Monday, December 27, 2010

2011 and the Light-bulb of our Future...

Its almost 2011. We are only days away. So many things happened in 2010 and so many more things will happen in the new 2011. No, this isn't going to be a blog about resolutions and making promises to yourself that are hard to keep. You should do those type of self-help and growth things on your own at your own speed. It is NOT a game, so always work on being a better person.

No, this blog is about people and how people make bad decisions based on not having the courage to stand up for what is right. This blog, though simple, is also an important window into the foundation of the person that I am. So, if you aren't prepared to see or read who I really am and what makes my heart pound, I suggest moving on to another blog that isn't about me. LOL

2010 has disappointed me a bit. I have watched what used to be a wonderful internet network full of positivity slowly sink into what is one of the darkest and hate-filled places online. I have watched it spawn cliques of people that are jealous of others and that don't work to help and support each other. Instead, they talk behind each other's backs and focus only on themselves. No, not everyone there, but a good handful are working at keeping it a place full of anger and darkness. I still receive emails and ban reports weekly which just sadden me. Hopefully 2011 will change this for them and they will shake it off and grow from their prior decisions.

I have watched colleagues that once said that they "loved me" and that "they cared about me" attack me on many, many creative levels. They have spent their time and energy to try and hurt me, and have failed each time. They have premeditatedly planned small ambushes and have used words like "war" and "tear down" in their emails to their friends hoping to create some sort of rift in the direction of my projects.

While dodging these stones, I have watched as people I once called friends stood by and turned their backs ignoring the threats and attacks. Some of them even adding fuel to the flames spreading rumors about me and my wife which made it back to our kids (who happen to be on facebook). Lies, rumors, and hate. This is what a lot of people from 2010 spent their energy doing. Not building, but tearing down.

No, this is not a blog about the horrible angst filled things that I have gone through in 2010. This is about the people in my life that have show me what life is for. Why we are here. What we should be doing with our lives.

This is a blog about 2011. Our future. And some of the people I honor.

There are some "long lost" words in the English dictionary that I use as a building block for what makes me strong and patient and forgiving all at the same time. Some of these words are "Unconditional", "Motivation", "Forgiveness", and "Principle". There is one word in particular that Im going to highlight. This word is very important to me. It is why we are here. It is the way America used to be. It is a word of ingenuity and inspiration. It is, "Initiative."

INITIATIVE:
This word is truly lost in today's society. People have no idea what the ingredients are that make up this word anymore, and its truly sad. I am mostly angered by the lack of initiative that most of the people I meet have. They would much rather just sit back and let the world take place and bitch about what needs to be fixed. When I ask people what they have done in their lives that they are proud of, they usually have to spend some time with their eyes aimed up and towards the right trying to remember what they have done and when they had done it. Im not saying that being proud of your accomplishments is how to measure your initiative. What Im saying is that, without initiative, there are no accomplishments. If you have to take a lot of time remembering what you have accomplished, then to me, you do not have much initiative. You might even be asking, "is not having a lot of initiative a bad thing?" ... to be honest, in my book. Yes. It is a terrible thing. Your life has a timer on it. You can spend it however you like, but if you don't have initiative in your life, you, in my opinion, have no right to bitch about what needs fixing.

This year I have seen an insurgence of people with initiative in my life! I am proud of these people and have watched them bust their asses to grow, create, and develop amazing and wonderful things using all of their time and all of their own assets to make steps to become better and more successful in this life. Most importantly, these people are not doing this for money or fame, but for one simple reason. They love what they do and are following the natural progression for their life and career. I am proud of these people and the sacrifices they are making to become who they are.

"Is he going to name, names?" you ask? "who are these people that he is speaking of?" you want to know. Well, sure, I am not concerned about whether you agree or disagree with me. I know these people and have watched them grow and know what drives their hearts. So, I will list a few that have impressed me with their growth through sacrifice. These are but a few of the people that are on my Initiative list.

- Heather Byers, my sister and mother of 2 amazing kids, wife to her incredible husband Michael, and spend her off hours going to school, graduating, and becoming one of the best school teachers in Georgia.

- Tiffany Johnson, my friend and psychic who is always calling me with a new idea or project that is unconventional and innovative at the same time.

- Don Dennis, my friend and colleague who has kept his focus without falling prey to the infrastructure of the paranormal parasites. He is following his heart and mind as an amazing event planner for the Texas Ghost Show.

- Anna Marie, my best friend and my wife and her endeavors to not only be a mom to our five kids and a wife to me, but an author, and tarot reader as well.

- Christopher Moon, my friend and psychic/medium who has taken heat from all walks of the paranormal community, yet, still will walk through the door with his head held high, knowing that only the best can keep moving forward with their research while being mocked by their peers.

- Lauren T. Hart, my friend and author, who has, this week as we speak, finished the final chapter in this year long, chapter per week, project called "Of God's and Mortals."

- Neil Larson, my friend and director who quit his job and is following his heart and life as a director.

- Ruby Violence, my friend and adult entertainer who is breaking the boundary of the everyday, and creating and developing new genres of entertainment that are both fun and unique.

- Beth Brown, my friend and author who has taken a step to follow her passion and drop all of the pre-set ways of investigating the paranormal and has found a niche that has spoken to her heart instead.

- Jamie Standifird, my friend and radio show host who has worked at an unforgiving job, gone through a rough marriage, found true love with Justin, and has still maintained her direction as a radio show host and paranormal personality.

- Denver Robbins, my friend and producer who has done nothing but work hard on 3 to 5 projects at a time daily, 24/7 , 350 days a year and who has accomplished many wonderful things during this past year.

- Katie Mullaly, my friend and author who has not only been going to school, being a mom, and a wonderful wife to her husband Mikal, but also is an author, researcher, and working on a few special projects with yours truly.

- Geoffrey Gould, my friend and actor who is in just about every movie or tv show, somewhere as a background actor. This guy busts his ass daily keeping the work coming in while I finish my screenplay that he is in.

- Jason Byers, my brother and military personnel who has worked hard with his life, going through a bad marriage, finding true love, and having his family while still spending his life protecting and defending our United States of America.

- Charli Nichols, my friend and entertainer who is a single mom while still creating and working hard on her internet show while being lied to, jerked around, and manipulated, has still shown the stick-to-it-ness to keep her chin above the negativity and has moved ahead with her own life.

These are only a few, but a few that I think needed to be named. These people are honest, genuine, and passionate and have worked their hardest to skirt the people who have constantly flung drama fecal matter at them.

The world needs to change. I believe in balance, and I don't see it yet. Too many people are out to tear down what others build. They are out to copy and take credit for others works without building it on their own. While you are busy working your ass off on something wonderful, they are waiting for you to turn your head so they can tear down your sandcastle.

I applaud those of you with initiative. I cannot wait to see the direction you go this 2011. I cannot wait to watch you soar. Be prepared though, because jealousy will consume the people that hear of you and your works. They will be waiting for you with pitchforks and torches, because they don't want to see you succeed.

Be strong, be confident, and most importantly, keep your eye on your target.

I want to see you fly this year!

I want to see you soar!

Go be You this 2011!

- RAWK


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Yadiloh!

Every family has its own special traditions. Some of them pass down an heirloom, some have a recipe, and some of us have our own holiday.

Yes, I said 'holiday.'

When I first came into the lives of my 4 kids (before our Ashlind showed up) I wanted to make sure they had something special in their lives. No, Im not going to spend this blog talking about how I feel these awesome kids might have missed out on something in their life prior to mine, but instead am going to focus on what I hope I have done for them and even more so, if it has had a positive affect on their lives.

It was a few weeks before Christmas 2006 and I remember telling Anna Marie that I wanted to do something kind'a strange. I wanted to make the second Wednesday in December a special holiday called 'Yadiloh.' She nodded and laughed like she normally does and asked me 'what kind of holiday is this and what do we need to do?' ... LOL

Yadiloh always happens on the second Wednesday of every December. What happens during this holiday is all about family. We turn off all electronic entertainment (sans a CD player or MP3 player loaded with Christmas songs) and we get out all of our decorations for the tree and house. We spend most of the day decoration the Christmas Tree, telling stories about our favorite Christmas's and our lamest gifts, and our most heartfelt gifts. We drink Cocoa and hot apple cider and bake cookies and make fudge and then all sit in a circle. Each member of the family gets a goodie bag choc full of bizarre dollar store crap. Yeah, those crunchy Santas dipped in brown wax that supposed to be chocolate. LOL There are games that one of the parents come up with like Yadiloh Libs, or Jokes, or Riddles and Rhymes as well as questions for each family member that helps share what everyone's true thoughts are on and or about Christmas. It normally ends in laughter and everyone remembering what Christmas is really all about.

This year, our activity included painting those cheap $1 bobble heads that you can get at the dollar store. Each one had to have a story when we were done painting them. The goal is to send someone that we know our weirdly painted bobbleheads with our own description of what Christmas AND Yadiloh is all about. We also spent the evening playing improv games which was a blast! No TV. No Electronic Games. Just Christmas music, Apple Cider, and Laughing Hysterically.

Im not going to convince you to do the same thing.

Im just sharing.

This, to me, is what Christmas used to be when my grandparents were kids. This, to me is what it is for me today.

Sure, well still have Santa this year, but its not about the gifts. Its not about how much you get.

Its about the Yadiloh in our hearts.

Thats why I am smiling today. :)

- RAWK
PS: Yes, Yadiloh is Holiday spelled backwards. ;)

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Christmas Spirit...

So this is Christmas.

So many meanings to that first line. You can say it several different ways and its either sentimental sounding or cynical sounding.

I waiver between these two feelings when I say it.

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you smiling when you say this. Sitting in a warm home with your spouse and your children around you, with a full belly, presents around a tree, next to a fire, listening to Christmas music?

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you looking from afar knowing that there is someone being abused, someone going hungry, someone losing their job, someone feeling low because they cannot afford what we call "Christmas" for their family?

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you helping a stranger push their car out of the snow, or taking the four bucks you have in your pocket buying food for a stranger, or holding your kids close to you and telling them how much you love them, or holdling the door for someone who has their arms full, or letting people cut in front of you in traffic knowing good and well that it is not their turn.

So this is Christmas.

When I say it, I waiver. I hurt for those that can't afford to pay their bills. I try to help those who I can when I can, I hug my children and tell them that I love them constantly, I dont feel bad for not being able to be the richest Santa Claus on the block, I do what I can, when I can, for whom I can without letting my negative emotions consume me.

So this is Christmas.

When I say it, I waiver. I feel doubt and anger towards those that hurt the innocent. I feel pain and vengeance towards those that unrightfully try to screw the world over. I feel contempt for the ones that we pay to protect us, watching them find joy in ticketing people during the holiday who are trying their best just to get by.

So this is Christmas. So, THIS is Christmas. So this is CHRISTMAS.

What happened to love. What happened to what I was taught. Where did all of the good people go?

So this is Christmas.

- RAWK!



Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friends and Changes...

Hey Kats,


It's been a very interesting 2010 to say the least. This has truly been a year of many changes in my life, my family's life, and in ghostology's life.


For starters, my family recently moved from Texas to Utah. This change alone is ginormous! We spent the past 5 months with Denver and Lauren's household which includes Christopher, Jack, Jordan, Toby, Rusty, and Dante. You pack my family of 6 into that scenario and you get a small village! I am forever grateful for all of the Robbins' love, hospitality and help.


I love working with Denver, Neil, Greg, Pamela, April and the lot over at Dark Sun Studios and am super grateful to James and Doug for hooking me up with beginning work. They know how much I needed it, and I know how much they needed all of the work I have supplied for them.


On top of that, I have just finished my second week teaching at the Eagle Gate College. Its a passion of mine, and I feel that I am actually able to help my students, not just get a good grade, but actually get a good job and make good money. I hope this is the case, and if they ever have a question, I am only a facebook post away. :)


Ghostology has made several trips around the globe as of lately. We have made giant business decisions like this in the past when we quit CBS because they were not being very cool to us, then to have the same thing happen to us with someone that we truly trusted was just what I would consider the last straw. So, we started our own business with the blessing of many people, and that is how Fate Radio, LLC. was formed. The name alone says a lot about what we do and who we are. Deciding our OWN fate in ways, we have become a positive little network offering a mix-up of fantastic shows.


Being one of the owners of FATE Radio, LLC. gives me the power to make sure a couple things never happen, one of which is the negativity and the attacks by other online entities and netowrks. The one thing I can guarantee that we will never do is attack, harm, or stab anyone in the back, whether that is within out own Fate Family or whether that is with any of our listeners or viewers. After having this done to us personally and on a business level many times we have learned our lesson.


An old adage says, "birds of a feather, flock together." Keeping this in mind, please be cautious with whom you trust, talk to and believe in, because if their true colors shine, you will also see who flock with them.


Ghostology and Fate Radio, LLC. on the other hand prefer to focus on other things, like building a better place to get your favorite shows, and making sure what we are doing isn't ripping off other people's ideas. We work really hard at creating our ideas and shows for you kats and really want you all to be happy with what we are producing.


This isn't just about Ghostology either, swing by www.fateradio.com and check out all of the great programming that we have going on! Its quite fun and I believe that you may find yourself not dealing with the negativity that other networks enjoy. We just want to have fun doing what we love, whether that is radio, video, or other paranormal activities... its supposed to be fun and not stressful.


So, with all of the changes going on, the one thing I can say is this. The most prolific change I have noticed in myself, might sound a bit negative, but in the long run, its for a good reason.


I have learned that I am just a person. A non-conformist that enjoys what I enjoy without being judged. I have learned that adult entertainers, tattooists, students, paranormal investigators, and artists are all just people trying to enjoy their life until they take their last breath. I have also learned that I love ALL of these people and more. Lastly, I have learned something that will stick with me for a long time. Outside of your family, you can't trust ANY body, fully. And sometimes not even them. People suck. I have become cynical and doubtful about people and their intentions. But this is a good thing for me. I dont trust anyone anymore, and the people I do trust, I love.


I only have so many years alloted to my life here on earth (that I know of) and I plan on spending them loving the people I trust and avoiding everyone elses bullshit.


I have lost many friends that I considered good people, just to find out they were liars and thieves.


But...


I have found many new friends that are whom I consider my family.


... and you KNOW who you are!


- RAWK!


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Do You Believe in FATE?

Its been awhile since I just sat down and blogged about the behind the scenes of what very well might be called our "paratainment" lives. Ive been waiting to see exactly how things were being viewed by everyone around me before writing anything.; And hopefully with this blog, Ill be able to answer a few questions and clear up a lot of misinformation.

As most of you already know, I am the Art Director for Dark Sun Studios as well as Art Director for FATE Magazine. Yeah, THE FATE Magazine. When that happened, a lot of new opportunities arose in my life that I just couldn't turn down. One of them was joining FATE Radio, a division of FATE magazine.

It was a hard decision. We had been so integrated into another network for a very long time. They were like a family to us. I designed the logo, the first website, the logo for their video side, and the website for that. A lot of work was going into it. I create and design websites for other clients as well, but get paid for it. Building the network site was a labor of love for me. It stood for something. It represented like minded people who thought outside of the box. I loved it.

What really made it hard to leave wasn't the design of the network, but the people that I had become close to. We talked about it for weeks before making the decision to leave. There were some things that had come up behind the scenes that started to feel sketchy, and a lot of the people I once thought I trusted with my life were taking public jabs at me, my family and some were even spreading vicious rumors that made it outside of the paranormal world, into a court situation, and back around again.

What FATE offered us was a place to build a small network with great people that have been in the field for a long time and with this came no jealousy, no drama, and no attacks. Just good clean fun with a lot to learn from all of the writers and researchers in the FATE magazine world.

So, with that, we made the leap. No more negativity.

Ghostology and The Other Side (Denver & Lauren's show) made the ultimate leap, and built the foundation to FATE Radio with bi-laws that outline how if one host or show attempts to spread any form of malicious information about others, they would be removed from the network and replaced by someone else. We decided to pick real, entertaining, and quality shows for our line-up and are just now at a point where we are starting to air them one by one. Out of the 12 shows, we currently have 6 or so that are active. The site is about to change once again with more to offer including show archives (both video and audio) as well special features.

FATE magazine is going to print today with the very first FATE Radio Ad ever. We are proud to be part of FATE and love the people dearly. It is an exciting time for FATE ... a re-birth of sorts. A lot is happening too, which you will see in the next few weeks. Big things!

Ghostology is taking a huge leap as well. Not anything we can talk about right now, but you will see by Jan 1st whats going on. Its definitely a lot of fun and we are having a great time doing it. We have new segments that are happening on our show and a lot of new twists every week, so keep tuned in on www.fateradio.com for further details.

As far as myself and Anna Marie are concerned. We are about to embark on our own metaphysical store. Yeah, its really going to be cool. Live readings, books, oils, roots, powders etc... you name it, and youll be able to get it here. We are still working out the details, but the outlook is a good one, the building is VERY cool, and we think a metaphysical store located in Ogden, Utah is what this place needs.

I have opened the doors to my exclusive tattoo shop, Paranormal Ink, and am working on 3 clients as we speak. Im very excited about this and Ill show off my skills this BY/OG which is also sponsored by FATE Magazine! This is going to blow peoples minds and I recommend you go to www.bringyourownghost.com for more information. Its a paranormal party and its going to rawk!

So, to wrap up... we have moved from the para-drama from one network and to a place full of entertainers that like to share things they know, people they know, and things these people have done or written that are interesting, strange, and unexplainable.

This is my para-blog-update... boring, but at least you know whats up. :)

Find us now at FATE Radio www.fateradio.com or subscribe to FATE magazine www.fatemag.com !

Love you kats!!!

- RAWK!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Now, we can breathe...

It's about time I actually sit down here and write a catch-up for everyone. I know I've gotten quite a few people needing to hear whats up and whats going on, and today seems like a good day to do it.

As you know, I was separated from my family for about 6 weeks, but the good news is, that the mediation is over, my kids and wife are here with me and we are all living in Utah now. It is a blessing. A very true and heart-filled blessing to be with the people that make me who I am. Sometimes I feel that my wife and kids are the only ones that really know who I am anymore. So, its good to have them here with me, reminding me that, 'YES, you ARE sane!"

The kids are enrolled in school here, making great grades, and great friends, and are away from the gangstah wannabees in Lockhart.

It's nice to be able to say that Malachi is in 3 productions... and when I say production, I mean PRODUCTION... they don't do anything small here when it comes to theater or film.

Josee is dancing in school and taking Chinese! Even with her back, she is really doing amazing and she says it doesn't hurt... and I can see it in her eyes. She is smiling back at me and happy with everything that is going on.

Nicholaus is in band, playing with kids that aren't 100% bullys and is super excited about the prospect of snow in the next few weeks. Who am I kidding... 7 years in Texas for ANY of us gets us excited about seeing lots and lots of snow.

Ashlind just had his birthday yesterday. He is 2 years old now. We broadcasted the video for Grandma and Grandaddy to see. I wish I lived closer to my family sometimes so that they could get to know him. He is a smart, caring and funny little man and I just know that when he falls in love and has kids, that he will teach them how to love unconditionally like I have him.

My wife is with me now too. Having her next to me at night means more than the world to me. She is the one that reminds me of who I am. She is the one that loves me no matter what dumb things I might do or say. She is the one that holds me when Im hurting inside and the one that makes me excited to be alive. I create because she wants me to and I encourage her to be herself and to try new things. I am so happy to be with my family again.

We are staying with our friends, The Robbins Family. All of ten of us in one house. Amazingly, it is NOT as crowded or as crazy as one might think. Denver and Laurie are my best friends. They are a lot like Anna Marie and myself and on many notes very different. Denver and I are very entrepreneuristic and between the 4 of us, are working on several major projects that are going to blow everyone around us away. Yeah, thats the beauty of our relationship with the Robbins... we are working together to make a better future for the 10 of us! ... TEN of US!!!!

Thats pretty much the quick and dirty update. I wanted to get this out before I started writing about my new insights into life. I think I might try my hand at that a little later in the week. I have learned a lot recently about myself and the world and I'd like to share it.

But for now, this is my update. I love and am loved. The people that I trust are in my life now. They don't look down on me. They don't ridicule me. They are not disappointed in me.

They see me... and I see them. There are no negatives, only obstacles that we learn from, and we as a family of 10 are doing it together.

There are no rules in life. But if you need on to live by, it is love as you wish to be loved.

Less Than Three...

RAWK!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Colors...

Everything has a color. The grass. Paper bags. Horses. Even the bricks that make up the front of the local elementary school. But thats not news to most of you. But there are other things that have colors that you might not know about. Hunger. The number seven. Wednesdays. Loneliness. Even gratitude has a color.

I am living many colors this year. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. A myriad of melted colors encase my breath. Inhale; and exhale. So many powerful colors in my life. So hard to pay attention to all of them. Looking at a box of crayons has never been this tough before.

Navy Blue:
This is the pain I feel being away from my family. It is so heavy like wet snow and pulls my heart down into the coldness of an icy ocean. I miss my wife and kids. I miss my daughter Katria, who shares a bond with me like no other human being in this world. I miss the excitement of Malachi and his passion to make films. I miss the unconditional and innocent true love of Josee and how her laughter protects my heart from the blue in the navy blue. I miss Nicholaus and his head first way of diving into life and eagerness to love and be loved by everyone. I miss Ashlind and watching him live and grow and think and laugh and pout and walk and talk and become. I fear the fact that he may forget his Daddy. I want to watch him become and be there for him as he does so. I miss Anna Marie, who accepts me for who I am without attempting to change me, bend me, distort me or put me in a jar up on a shelf. She loves me fully and wholly. As I do her.

Fluorescent Yellow:
This color is hard to look at, hard to swallow and hard to stomach. This is the sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach watching whom I thought were part of my life; Who I thought cared about me unconditionally; Who I thought were better people than they had led me to believe; watching these people spread lies about me and my family to other people hoping to wreck their family by doing so. This color is disgusting. It sits near me waving at me in my peripheral vision hoping to get my attention. This color is vile.

Olive Green:
This is the color of the gratitude I have for Denver, Laurie, Christopher, Jack, Dante, Rusty, and Toby. There are no true words that I can string together that will ever allow them to understand just how much they mean to me and what they have done for me and my family. Denver is my brother. He is the one when the bus is teetering on the cliff that will climb out onto the roof of the bus and find a way to the back to free the terrified children in the nick of time before the bus topples towards its doom. Laurie is my best friend here. She plays the role of many things to me. A mother, A wife, and an Art friend. She makes sure that priorities are in place and that nothing is forgotten. She is the glue and the pilot. Christopher and Jack are full of energy, creativeness, and passion. The adventurous nature of Christopher fuels me and the heart of Jack makes me smile, often. The dogs. They are dogs. How do they do that, just being dogs? I love the Robbins family. I thank them. I am grateful and cannot wait to repay the love.

Black Red:
This is the color of a close friend who is diagnosed with cervical cancer. She is a Mother. She is a Wife. She is our Sister and Friend. I cannot sleep at night with this color. It strangles me when I think about it. I want to help, but feel helpless. She is a strong woman and innocent of all of this. I pray hard which causes the black to recede away from the red. I pray that treatments, surgery, and medication will fix this horrible situation. Her kids need her to be strong. Her husband needs her to be strong. We need her to be strong. I have never prayed so hard for the lack of color to remove itself from red. Together, they terrify me. Please pray for our friend. She is a wonderful woman with a wonderful heart that loves her wonderful family. Please pray for the black to go away and that the red be bright and free of contamination.

Orange:
This is me. This is my color. I love my wife and family. I love my friends. I love my work and my hobbies. Orange is a constant in my life. I live hard and fast and take advantage of every opportunity that life brings me. I close me eyes at night excited to awake the next morning. One day the next morning will never come. At that point, I hope I have done all I can do here. I hope that everyone in my life has seen my color. That they know how I feel about them. That they know how much I embrace the love they have shown me. That they know how much I love them even if they have hurt me. I am orange. I am bright. Optimistic. Sexual. Believable. Unstoppable. I am happy being orange.

These colors in a row are where I am today. It may be exhausting. It may be painful. It may be confusing. But these are my colors. I am grateful to have eyes to appreciate them with.

We all have colors.

What color is your today?

RAWK!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

We Are Here To Help...

You can take your paranormal drama and shove it far up your butt.

Yeah. I mean that. It means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. It is a waste of my time. It is a waste of my energy. The lies. The rumors. The angst. You can have it, because I don't get it, and I never want to.

There are things in this life that are FAR more important than that. There are things that mean more to me than spreading hate. We need to stop focusing on whos on what network. Whos on what TV show. Whos sleeping with who. None of this matters and for the most part is not any of anybody else's business.

We need to focus. We need to prioritize. "On what?", you ask.

Things like life.

Recently a very close friend of ours found out some devastating news. She has cancer. Cervical cancer.

Most of you know that we have chosen several charities. We don't chose them randomly, and we don't chose them to look important or to appear holier than thou. We chose them because we have a connection with them.

So, we are holding an auction. It's not much. But its a start. We will mention it on Ghostology this Friday Night @ 10pm EST on FATE Radio http://www.fatemag.com/fateradio for the next several weeks. We are auctioning my old kilt which has been signed by several paracelebrities. We are raising the money for the NCCC ( National Cervical Cancer Coalition ) http://www.nccc-online.org/donate.html

This would NOT be possible if it weren't for Don Dennis and Penny Knight (the hearts and souls behind the Texas Ghost Show). For those of you that don't know Don and Penny, let me put it to you this way. They are givers. They love to see projects come to fruition. They work hard at bringing people together to discuss the strange, unnatural, and paranormal. The Texas Ghost Show last year in Beaumont Texas was a great example of that. After the show, Don and Penny heard that I was going to donate my kilt to be sent to paracelebs across the states to sign to help raise money for Cervical Cancer, so they sent me an amazing gift... a NEW KILT! This is the current kilt I wear on Ghostology today. The other one is still being sent to paracelebs to sign. It will be back in our hands soon for the auction.

A list of all of the names that are on the kilt will be provided soon as well as where the auction will be held.

Half of the money will go to the NCCC and the other half will go to our friend (we may or may not post her name depending on what she wants us to do). All we want to do is try and help, and this is the only way we know how to do this.

Again, more information will be posted after our show tomorrow night.

Thank you for your help.

We should prioritize ... we should focus... we should be the ones that are here to help... not to harm.

Please check out the NCCC http://www.nccc-online.org/donate.html and donate even if you dont participate in our auction for the NCCC and our friend.

Or if not THAT charity... find one that works for you.

- RAWK!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Less Than Three...

So, this sort've makes me smile... and it's just one of those things that I normally would just let roll away... but I'm truly intrigued to see how far this is actually going to go...

A few months back... I was texting my wife on my cheap ass phone... Yeah... its UBER cheap, and houses all of the numbers of people I work with as well as my family and friends... but besides that... it truly is a CHEAP ASS phone. LOL!

Anyway, I was texting my wife whom I haven't seen in over two months... and there is a symbols feature that is really a pain in the ass to get to that allows you to type little hearts ... like this " < 3

Well, my phone being cheap ass and all makes it difficult for me to type those two symbols without spending 10 minutes sifting through its directories just to find the damn things... I was quickly trying to find a way to do that when my brain clicked into over drive for a brief moment... it was easier to let my phone they out the words 'less than three' because it does have a slightly cool prediction function... so I can quickly type that and her get what Im saying... it was cute... and funny at the time... but not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination... just a lazy man's way of finding a quicker way to do things. LOL!

I posted it a few times on facebook to see if people would get the joke... and the next thing you know it hits twitter... Now, mind you... I find things like this fascinating. Viral is just awesome... its like dominos... you hope that each and every domino hits the floor... so sitting back watching the show to see how far it would go has truly amused me.

Earlier today, Lauren T. Hart wanted to let me know that she saw that Will Wheaton (Wesley from Star Trek and a few guest appearances on Burn Notice) posted "Less Than Three" which really has me smiling big time. Not because I'm going to be even MORE famous that I already am... LOL ... but the fact that it made it into a circuit that might actually boost it into the next presidential campaign! LOL! ... The Less Than Three Campaign! ... or even better... it might become a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor! Delish!

The thing about it is... it was a lame ole joke that was created by a cheap ass phone.

So lets get busy folks! Start posting "Less Than Three" on the walls of people you love and admire. :)

Who knows... Kevin Bacon might have already posted it somewhere today! LOL!

Less Than Three!

RAWK!

- Brian

Thursday, July 1, 2010

How much is it worth?

We all barter. We are constantly trading, even though we might not realize it at the time. At this very moment I am bartering time vs watching my son grow up over a two month period. This is breaking my heart. Let me explain for those of you just joining us...

My wife and I have 5 amazing kids. They are the reason I wake up in the morning, they are the reason I smile during the day, they are the reason I am able to sleep at night. I am a dad. I love my kids.

I have a 4 year bachelors of fine arts degree from the Savannah College of Art and Design. Its one of the most prestigious art schools in America. No, I am not bragging, just explaining a bit. My family spent thousands of dollars for me to go to this school, so that I could have a degree that would support my career of film making, animation, and special effects. I love my whole family for this and cannot wait to help pay them back for the pain this may have caused them financially. I have spent the past 20 years making films, animated tv shows, music videos, cd-rom games, and websites because of me degree, and because that is what I do for a living.

I don't know how to fix a car. I don't know how to build a wall. I don't know how to drive a bulldozer. I don't know how to sell insurance. I don't know how to install a bathtub.

I am a director and I work in the entertainment industry. I have worked on films like Peacemaker. I have worked with characters like Spongebob Squarepants. I have created games like Barbie Goes to Hollywood. But this is what I do. And that type of work ran dry for me in Lockhart Texas.

So, I found a job as Art Director at Dark Sun Studios in Utah. Quite a distance away from Texas... but it was either that or head down the path of being financially unable to support my family. So, I took the job and I am extremely grateful and happy to be doing what I am doing for a living.

I am bartering however. My family is not here. They are still in Texas. Why?

This is sad, and very easy to say.

When my wife got her divorce 4 years ago, she put in the decree that her kids could not move out of the Lockhart School System until they graduated. She did this for several reasons.

1) It ensured that her kids would not move anymore and that they could grow up with friends that last longer than a few months. They moved a lot during their life, and my wife wanted them to have a city that they could actually call home with friends that were a constant in their life.

2) Her ex on many occasions threatened to just take one or two of the kids with him and leave her with only two, splitting them up like they were cattle or property. Neither one of us would stand for that and fought tooth and nail to keep the four kids together. So far it has worked and the kids have been very happy we did this.

Well, here we are in a scenario where we need to lift that restriction. We have gone through a custody battle to keep the kids together. Not to take them away from the man that fathered them. Just to keep them together. During that custody battle, he out of the blue said, "Keep the kids" and agreed to see them one weekend every month. That wasn't what we were asking, but is what he wanted to do. So, here we are, in a situation where I have a great job, and my family is waiting for the restriction to be lifted.

Whats taking so long? Prior to my taking this job, the three of us had a simple conversation in my driveway about me going to Utah to interview for these jobs and what would take place if I took one of the jobs I was interviewing for. My wifes ex husband agreed that if that were to happen that we would have to work out some sort of visitation. He mentioned maybe he could get them for the whole summer, and a few holidays. We agreed that it all sounded good. His final words stuck with me though, "Don't worry about this. We will all work it out together." ... Heck, that sounded like a greenlight, if I've ever heard one.

Why aren't my kids here with my wife? He changed his mind. Now, we are headed to mediation, then to court, because I know what his motive is. It is NOT to see our kids more. He keeps telling them that we are taking them away from him. The reality is, we are giving him a lot more time with them, and a lot more quality time at that. But, he keeps telling them that he will never see them again. He did this last time during the custody battle. For some reason he gets a kick out of lying to my kids and making them worry. This is not healthy in my book, ... not at all.

The motive is pretty simple. He is using our kids to hurt my wife. Thats it. We had a verbal understanding and he was willing to work with us one day. Now that he sees good things in the future of my family, his goal is to tear down any happiness for our kids and my family only to hurt his ex-wife. That is the only goal I see. His lies. His deceit. His manipulative ways. All very non-Christian if you ask me.

Yes, I said non-Christian. Over the past year he has all of the sudden gained powers. He is a healer for Jesus now and has his own ministries where he will heal you of your diseases for a donation. I'll be honest. I was glad when I knew he was a Christian man in the beginning. But what I have seen come out of his mouth. What I have seen him tell our kids. What I have seen him do to manipulate people... just to find out NOW he is taking money from people and claiming he can heal them... and if it doesn't work, that it was because their faith was weak.

THAT... makes me sick to my stomach.

*sigh*

I am bartering my time away from my 20 month year old... or is that 21 months. I am working to give my family all of the things they need, while paying a lawyer, and while missing my youngest boy grow up, learn to speak, watch movies, crawl under beds, and decide what foods he likes. I am missing all of this, and I can blame the man who claims to be a Christian man. I can blame the man who claims he can heal people of cancer. I can blame the man that lies to my kids telling them that their mother is evil and that she is taking them away from him. When they are old enough I will show them the court papers.

I am bartering the most precious thing in my life right now.

I am bartering my life away from my wife, my kids, my baby, my family.

I am bartering my life away from my life.

RAWK!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Done.

I am done with you.

The venom on the innocent fangs of a black widow; you sink deep, numbing, and quickly spreading like a vicious lie.

A sign on the marquee advertises the vacancy of the room you once occupied.

"Oh, save the family race!", you cry. While orphans weep at the feet of strangers. You eat their candy.

An abomination to the fiery waters that trickle through hell itself. Your tongue designed of paper-cuts, you speak to the weak.

I tell you this now. I am done with you.

Vomiting thorns on the path of the righteous, they can build bridges over your jointed dance of spite and hate.

I am done with you.

- RAWK!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Pulling Down Walls

I don't wear a watch because I don't want to be told what to do. Really. Thats why I stopped wearing one. If I honestly believed that TIME might actually hold healing properties, I might have kept that Casio Calculator Watch I used to wear back in the 4th grade.

Sadly, I think time might actually be the culprit in infecting a wound. I don't have a lot of proof for this, but I do have a team of researchers working on this around the clock. I'll let you know as soon as they publish their findings.

/cryptic

So, it's been 6 weeks since I have seen my wife and kids. It kills me. This is just something I must deal with while we work our plan to re-unite. I have been taken in by my new family. I am a brother. I am an Uncle. I am loved as I love them. I could not be more blessed than I am today.

But... still...

I am struggling with a few friendships that I seem to have lost. I'm always gaining new friendships, which is always a very amazing thing. Each friend wanting to know more about me and me about them. The friends that stick with me are the ones that do not judge me. The ones that accept me for who I am, what I do, and where I want to be. I also accept them, love them, and support them for who they are and where they want to go with their lives.

Is it ever too late to fix a friendship? I hope not. There are a few that I plan on trying to mend over time. The new question has become not if 'I' want these friendships to be fixed, but if 'THEY' want these friendships fixed. I mean, if I am not worth it to them, then why should I even try? I've left it up to time for the past year, but for some reason, time hasn't done anything other than cause more problems. Another question is 'why am I the one that makes the attempts in fixing things always?' I mean, why is it always 'my' job to fix things? Maybe because 'THEY' don't want things fixed. I guess I can live with that. If I only knew what truly caused some of these disasters, I would have found a way to avoid them from happening. But that is neither here nor there.

What I do know is that I miss a couple of people that I used to be close with. That I still care about. That I still wish good things for. That I still love. I miss them.

I hope that the walls that have been built between us are not solid. That they were created by miscommunications, misunderstandings, and misguided letters, words, and phrases. If the ill will that has been presented is intentional, then I will have to just live with that.

But if these walls are real.

I can only pray they are made from paper.

- RAWK

Friday, June 4, 2010

A new breed of evil.

What is evil?

I think we all know what evil is without having to run over to www.dictionary.com and look it up, but if you really must, I'll wait for you here while you run that little errand. *whistles while waiting* ... Oh, you're back? Excellent. See, I told you, you already knew what the meaning of evil was. It's pretty simple.

What do I hate about evil the most? Well, besides it being the thing that turns a Saturday into a Monday... is that evil is never obvious. You never really see it coming. It is powerful, and if it gets a hold of you in any way, shape, or form, it has the ability to mess with your reasoning and justifies itself as a way of being righteous.

Something else to think about is this. Evil wouldn't exist without us; human nature. IF there were no humans on this planet, there would be no evil. Now, a lot of you are saying, sure there would. Animals would kill each other out of anger, hunger, and boredom. I'm not going to argue with you. All I have to do is simply read the definition of evil at www.dictionary.com to see the foundation of this term refers to the actions of mankind's morality and character... and if its not due to that, its due to the actions and creations of mankind, so in a round-a-bout way, evil wouldn't exist if we weren't here. *inserts "In My Humble Opinion" here to avoid bored paralegals*

Us humans are sneaky bastards too. We spend a lot of time manipulating the threads of life in order to justify our evil actions. And with newer technology at our finger-tips we are becoming more and more powerful when we chose to act on an evil chord. Yes. We are truly thinking ahead and premeditating our evil ways using every means possible to have a scapegoat or better yet, someone ELSE to blame.

We make a bold statement on the internet, then back peddle saying it was a misunderstanding or that if you carefully read the wording, they weren't actually trying to say 'this' or 'that' and that they are the victim. The innocent one. That their actions weren't evil or malicious at all.

Yes, we have become quite creative by setting up a paper trail of false alibis and places and people to point at while we perform our amazing feat of evil. Yes, evil. Harmful Conduct, Moral, Behavior, Intentions and Ways. And after the trick is performed, the distraction... "I didn't mean to hurt you, see my paper trail of dove feathers.", "I am innocent", they claim. "I am a victim."

These online attacks are pre-meditated and it takes quite the sleuth to get down to the bottom of things and find the truth. Whether their actions are instigated by jealousy, self-righteousness, or narcissism, the truth can be found if you spend the time and study the actions of every individual in the party.

Unfortunately, we don't want to spend the time working to find the truth. Especially with this new form of evil in the social networks that make up only a fraction of what our reality really is. The fact that you are still reading THIS blog in its entirity would certainly amaze me in our 'Microwave Generation' world of self-taught scholars.

So, evil has a new face. It is more clever than ever. It leads you down fingers of premeditated misinformation. It sets up the scene ahead of time with a prologue to keep you distracted while the real evil act is in play. And by the time it is over, we are so confused, that we just give up, let it go and apathetically walk past the real victim laying on the sidewalk.

It's not that we don't care. It's that we just don't have the time to deal with this new form of evil.

Not until it happens to you.

Then it hurts.

RAWK!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I think I can.

I think I can.

So, I have moved to Utah, picked up work, and am working on getting my family up here with me. You know the story, so I'm not going to shovel any more onto your sandwich. It's tough. It's weird. My bed is empty... but in the long run, it's all going to be fine.

I think I can.

So, Ghostology is being run via SKYPE. A great tool. I get to hang with my girl via SKYPE... see her, talk to her, laugh with her... and cry with her. But it's also great for our business. Ghostology can still be heard and seen and we still have a good time. The video is sans Anna Marie right now, but its all going to work itself out.

I think I can.

We have several businesses besides our Ghostology Radio show. Some people know what we do, and some people do not. Let's just say, that it's the kind of business that actually pays the bills, and we enjoy what we do. It's all entertainment. Lately we have been working on a lot of really great projects and are excited about the prospects of seeing how these come to fruition. It's fun and we have a passion for it. I've got a business model in place that I think is going to just totally rawk... but its going to take a lot of work and a lot of work that is going to be difficult for me to do without my Anna Marie. She is so much of what I do and keeps my head in the right place when working.

I think I can.

I miss my kids. I miss my kids. I miss my kids. *sigh*

I think I can.

I am thankful for all of you for showing your support, for helping us move, for helping us pack, for helping us get situated, for showing us love, for loving us, for loving our family, and for loving our hearts. I think you so much that it makes my eyes tear up. I mean that.

I think I can.

I think I can.

I know I can.

I know I can.

I know.

I know.

I will.

RAWK!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My Family is My Phoenix

It's 7:50 Dark Sun Studios time here in Utah. I'm sitting at Denver's desk, looking up at the Rockies, and slowly combing over the events that have taken place over the past two months. I'm actually not even sure how this blog is going to read when I am done. Normally when I write, I have a point or a direction. Not this morning though. This morning, I'm just opening my heart and letting it bleed out.

My daughter Josee had her spinal operation that corrected 90% of her curvature about two months ago. She is back in school today, and very VERY happy about the outcome of the surgery. She doesn't hurt anymore. :)

I thought I had made a connection with their father, Dan, while I was at the hospital. We spoke about being able to work together and how communication was the key to making this extended family work better. I thought it made sense, and I thought we had come to an understanding that everything we do from now on is in the best interest of the kids.

I thought.

In the beginning, we worked the decree where the kids could not be split up and that they would always stay together, by writing into the court orders that they remain in the Lockhart ISD School System. For 5 years that has served its purpose. There were several threats made of the boys being taken from their sisters, and that court order put a stop to that quickly.

Dan, myself and Anna Marie stood in the driveway about 5 weeks ago and discussed the possibility of us moving to Utah. He only sees them for a day and a half a month as it is, but instead of moving the kids away from him completely, we all agreed that the kids staying with him for summers and extended holidays would not only give him more time with the kids, but would work out better for everyone. He even gave us his word that we "would work this out" and said "let me know what happens when you get back from your interviews in Utah."

All of what he said was a lie.

When I got back and had work, (there is NO film work for me in Texas and that is what my BFA is in) he told us on the phone that he NEVER said that he would work with us, as a matter of fact, he said he believed it in the best interest of the kids for them to stay in Lockhart (a dying city with no work, bad schools and gangs).

In the midst of having a daughter who is healing from back surgery, an 18 year old who is getting ready for college next year, two teens that need a better school in a city that offers them more than just driving around a Dairy Queen for kicks, and a baby who needs to be in a healthy environment with family values, we were forced to move out of our house and find another place to live. It isn't easy finding a place in Lockhart. We found a hotel that would accommodate all of us while we searched for a place to live.... and as you may already know, the Plum Creek Inn in Lockhart turned out my entire family onto the streets the day we were supposed to check in. We had reservations for over a week and because we mentioned the word 'cats' we were turned out into the streets of Lockhart. We didn't yell. We didn't swear. We said we had a place for our cats to stay, and they called us liars and said we needed to speak to a manager. The person that told us this was the OWNER himself. I went back in to try and reason with him, and he told me it was too late, we already said 'cats' and that it was impossible for us to stay there.

The Plum Creek Inn is the way we will remember Lockhart Texas. Thank you for being so caring and for showing us your true colors. We were discriminated against. Because we were white? Maybe. Because we had kids? Maybe. Because we said we owned cats? Maybe. ... but on their sites it says they are a 'pet friendly' hotel. I think we know who the liars are.

Needless to say...

My wife and kids are now in a duplex closer to the Freshman campus. I am in Utah working making money to pay for this and quite possibly more.

What is to come of the court orders? Only time will tell. If the man that fathered the kids that I love so much really cared about them. He would have put in the papers that he would see them more than one weekend a month as well as would see who they were as growing people and what they need in their lives. They do NOT need gangs and a ghost town to call home. They need family values, parks, theater, and film studios in their lives. They are creative kids that want to be successful. If he really knew what was in their best interest he would show them what not only gave him MORE quality time with them but would allow them to grow into the amazing people they are. He would show them that he is a man of his word and not a liar. He says he is a man who is a healer for Jesus? What would Jesus do? No. Really. What would Jesus do?

So, I will work from Utah to support my family and pay to have the orders changes so that MY kids can have the resources at their fingertips to be the people that God intended them to be. I love it here. They will love it here. And... there is work here in my field. That is why my parents spent all of that money on my degree... so that I could work in America in a genre of my choice and prosper by taking care of my family and giving back to this country the fruits of my labor.

Ive got so much to do this month, and I need it all to happen while my heart aches as I am away from my beautiful wife and kids. I love all 6 of them with ALL I have in my heart and body and it hurts not to have them near me.... but I am doing this for the kids. They need someone to step up to the plate, and I'll be that man for them. I will take care of them. They need to fly.

They need to rise from the ashes and burst into flames of colors that haven't even been invented yet!

My family is my phoenix.

RAWK!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Feathered Swine

Can you count them? I see them flying as high as the clouds. If you listen closely, you can actually hear them. It's a sortv'e whining sound. You can start to make out the silhouette of their bodies. Yes, these are swine, and they are in the air passing through the clouds like the wind itself.

The world that I have made around me has a foundation like a suspension bridge in a King Kong movie. It's constantly swaying, creaking, and bouncing up and down. I try not to look down and often wonder if it can truly support my weight. I also wonder when I'll make it to the other side.

My youngest daughter, Josee (pronounced - Joe-zaye or Zsho-zaye) had a back procedure that would make anybody flinch after seeing the before and after x-rays. What I find beautiful is not how quickly she has seemed to recover; or even the straightness of her back. I find her smile beautiful. She is smiling even more now, and has gone through something that she can tell, but something that most people cannot relate too. It is her story, and its like watching a sunflower reach up towards the sun. It's just something that is hard to describe, but amazing to see.

Our house was recently sold out from under us. We had the option to purchase it, but to be honest; even if we 'could' purchase it, we don't want this house. So, we are left with weeks to spare to get the kids through school and find another place. We started looking around here within Lockhart. But I'll be honest. There is nothing here for us. Why must we stay in Lockhart? When Anna Marie and her ex got a divorce, Anna Marie wanted to make sure that her ex would not try and take one or two of the kids one direction and leave the others in another. He has a habit of moving a lot, and wouldn't bat an eye at just moving and taking one or two kids with them. She wanted to keep the kids together, so in the orders, it is written that the kids cannot leave Lockhart until they finish school. It served its purpose too. The very thing we were worried about almost happened, and luckily Anna Marie and I ran out and were married within hours, which helped to secure keeping all 4 kids together. The custody battle was ugly, but within time, it was over and the orders remained in tact, just in case.

Now, we must change these orders, and since things seemed to have cooled off a little between the ex and Anna Marie, we think it will work out now and have actually spoken with him about this change. He now has his own family and sees our kids once a month (something he decided on in the final decree). So, we are working out where he keeps them for the summer and long weekends, and we keep them the rest of the time. It looks good on paper, and I think this is why we have decided to move to where there is work in MY field. I have applied to many states. Over 70 resumes. The most response I have had to me and my work is California and Utah. We have chosen Utah.

Why Utah? For many reasons. There is a lot of work in my field. Film, Animation, Editing, and Digital Media. It's out there and there is plenty of it. Another reason is that Denver Robbins lives there. He has been much more than just the genius on our radio show. He has been much more than a colleague that I work with on a monthly basis. He has become family. Denver, as I have mentioned before is my brother. We all love him and Laurie (his beautiful wife) dearly and owe them everything. There is a lot of behind the scenes taking place that a lot of you have no idea about; but throughout all of the chaos, they both have been there for us since day one.

With all of this taking place, and only weeks to do it in, I am at a loss for words to describe my mental state as I go through the boxes and boxes of drawings, illustrations, and keep sakes that I find... take them in one last time... and then push them into a plastic garbage bag. We don't need much. We have each other. We don't need 'things' to live ... we just need our love. I keep telling myself this over and over. If it were just me, it would be easy. My ex burned and trashed $25,000 worth of collectible Star Wars memorabilia that I had collected over the years. I know what its like to just let it go. Our kids have finally had the opportunity to 'have' things that they cherish, and I won't put them through what I've gone through. So, Ill make plenty of room for them and their things. Anna Marie has an attachment to our beds and kitchen table and chairs. We worked hard to keep those beds. There were many nights that we wondered if wouldn't be able to keep them. We were renting to own most of our furniture, and there were many months that we were late on our payments. Yeah, shes attached to them. They are ours now. We earned them.

In my family life my father is not doing well at all. He is going through so much and I know I can't help. My hands are tied. If I had the money, I would fly out to be with him through all that he is going through. I've had to learn the hard way how I am viewed by my family through emails and its been tough for my heart. I have a brother who is an amazing man, but has chosen to be distant from me. His wife has a good heart, and they have wonderful children. I have a sister who is an amazing woman and has succeeded in building a beautiful family with her husband who, also, is an amazing man. They have done a lot for me and I owe the both so much. Their kids are wonderful, smart, and creative as well. My mother is an incredible woman, and has a lot on her plate with my Dad and his illness. Its been rough for me to realize what my role is in the disappointment they have towards me. I've just learned to accept it. I hope to one day make it up to them, but for now I have to focus on my family and making sure they are taken care of. That's my job. I would not be able to breath if it wasn't for Anna Marie and the love she gives me through sorting through most of this family stress. One day, Ill figure out how to fix it. But for now, we must focus on our kids and moving.

In our paranormal lives it seems that the drama is hitting the fan. I'm not sure what is going on with everyone, but people I once thought were good people in our community have blackmailed people, taken money for services they have not performed, dug up dirt on people, and their kids and posted it publicly, spread rumors about peoples research integrity to others, lied about their identities, misconstrued the truth about people and their behaviors and have performed their duties half-assly at events that they were paid in full. Not to mention the name calling and semi-slander. It's a wonder that there is any hope at all. Im embarrased to have considered some of you friends of mine. I even have gone to bat and have stuck up for some of you, just to hear the shit that you are doing. The reality is, eventually we will all find out the truth.

For those of you that have not said things about me or others in a negative fashion, just know this. I commend you and respect you for being true to who you say you are. I thank you for being a friend. It really makes the rest of this para-rollercoaster ride a lot less embarrassing. You kats are the reason that Anna Marie and I do our show, Ghostology. We love being lame, and goofy, and stupid and making you kats laugh. You allow us a place to just vent and be silly and it really has become quite therapeutic for us. So, thank you so much for accepting us for who we are and for not judging us for what we do. We are people, and dig loving you kats as part of our family.

Yeah, I'm counting about 30 or so... maybe 40. I've often wondered what swine from this angle would look like. I've seen the videos of elephants swimming. They are almost identical, sans the trunk. I knew one day I'd see them.

I'm going to have to call the devil sometime and see what the temperature is like down there. Who knows. It might actually be snowing.

RAWK!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Texas Ghost Show 2010


I normally don't spend a lot of time writing about events we attend or participate in. We normally just get home and send thank you's and other gratitude via facebook to our new friends and our new morons...

however ...

the Texas Ghost Show in Beaumont Texas last week needs something special written up about it. Something that gives everyone an idea as to what it takes to pull something like this off. Something that shows you just how people from all walks, all beliefs, and all areas of the world can actually come together, eat together, drink together and laugh together.

So, I thought I'd give it a shot.

I received a call from our agent at the time, James McMichaels who is the president of Night Management ( www.nightmanagement.com ). He said there was a show being put together by a guy named Don Dennis and that he thought we would be a great fit, seeing that it was called the Texas Ghost Show. We couldn't have agreed more, after all we live in Texas, are only 4 hours away from where the event was going to be held in Beaumont and we are ALL about the ghosties.

He had a great line-up too. Just to be fair, most of the headliners that were on the banner never ended up being the headliners at the actual event, so I wont name names. Most of the time, when an event planner puts on an event, they normally go through several tiers of headliners and speakers. Due to foreseen and the unforeseen, things normally come up, get in the way, or just flat out get too confusing, so the names change on the banner until the final show. It's honestly just the way it goes. There is no way to count on certain people actually showing up to speak until the last month or two, so if you ever plan on going to an event, please keep an eye on the banner and roster.

I called Don directly and got a 'hello' in a very smooth Barry White sounding voice through my cell phone. This would be the sound of not just the man behind the magic of the Texas Ghost Show, but the sound of someone I would later call my brother.

We talked a bit and told him that we were interested in speaking. He sounded excited about having us, though Im pretty sure he wasn't quite sure who we were at the time... LOL ... nobody ever does. It didn't take long until he not only was listening to our show on Para X Radio ( www.para-x.com ) but he actually liked it and became an honorary moron within weeks. We did our job by promoting the show giving out links and eventually having him on as one of our guests.

The behind the scenes was hellacious. Yes. It was... and I wont get into the details there either. He was constantly coming up with ideas to promote, market, and advertise for his event. What I really enjoyed was that he would call ME and ask ME what I thought about his direction. I gave him my usual psychobabble and patting him on his ass and sending him on his way.

Was Don worried about the ticket sales? Yes. ... but honestly... who isn't. Ticket sales for most events don't pick up until the last month or two prior to the event... but also... he had everything against him with only a few names, an eventbrite website, and his own personal enthusiasm moving forward.

We watched as the Texas Ghost Show banner went through several changes. People being removed, people being added, and the ticket sales slowly began to increase. Don of course grew more and more anxious. You must remember, behind the scenes, he was paying for deposits on speakers, getting the hotel rooms blocked and taken care of, making sure the food for the VIP dinner was not half-assed, setting up marketing moments via local TV and Radio as advertising all over the internet. The most important thing Don was doing was the most obvious, but the most missed thing in planning ANY event. It was making sure the experience for the guest was beyond their expectations. That the guests actually had their moment to rub elbows, eat lunch with, and share their ideas with the people that they had come to hear speak.

It wasn't all roses though. There were attacks left and right. The attempts at hurting the ticket sales were spread by jealousy. Teams and groups that wished they were doing what Don was pulling off would post saying things like 'The event has been canceled' ... and even the media chimed in calling people names if they attended his event. When you find yourself under attack for creating something fun and exciting, you have to remember, it is only because you are doing something right! It all comes down to jealousy. I think its quite sad, but again, Don was hit by many stones. Both, him and his girl Penny. Actually, his whole team Sheri, Mike, Penny and the Texas Society of Paranormal Investigators. They all took stones... blocked stones... and even through a few back. I am proud of all of them.

The event day came. Brian Harnois, Brad Klinge, Katie Burr, Father Andrew Calder, Ericka Boussarhane, Larry Flaxman, Ken Gerhard, Dash Beardsley, Dr. Rita Louise, Mike Roberts, Charli Smith, Buffy Clary, Chris Walden and us... Brian, Anna Marie and Ash from Ghostology.

We were put up on the 6th floor with most of the other para-speakers. The hotel itself was a beautiful hotel called the MCM Elegante. We were pampered with swedish massages if we wanted, good food, nice clean rooms, and great company. The speakers were all down to earth. Nobody was pretentious or full of themselves. We all laughed, drank, and laughed some more. Don made us all feel special and his humor kept us on our frickin toes!

The Meet and Greet was amazing. He had a room which filled up quickly with around 80 people. People had a chance to ask each speaker whatever they wanted, and allowed me to interject my innuendos whenever I felt the need to do so, ... which was pretty often. LOL ... there was plenty of time for pictures, autograph signing and more one on one interaction with the VIP guests.

The VIP dinner was extraordinary. Shrimp, Steak, Crab, ... you name it and it was there... and it was good... and again... the speakers had more time to hang with the VIP guests.... and again, Don was there to make sure EVERYBODY was happy. If you weren't; he damn well took care of whatever issue arose and made sure you were happy. Don is like a pitbull who likes his belly rubbed... if you piss him off, he will remove your arm... but if you rub his belly... he is your best friend forever... LOL

The event took off at 8am in the morning, and most of us were dragging, but it started off great! They handed us the mic and that was it... I apologize for whatever I might have said up until noon when my headache went away from the drinks... LOL ... but the civic center was full and there was always a steady stream of people at all of the booths and always around 100 to 150 people listening to the speakers... the other half were in the break out rooms listening to a more one on one lecture or experiencing a gallery reading. It was just off the hook amazing!

Nobody was upset, nobody was causing drama, nobody cared about anything other than having a good time and sharing their 'thing' with everyone else. This is the way it should feel. No competition. No territorialism. No bickering. No back stabbing. It was just a blast... and we all have Don Dennis to thank for this amazing event.

It was hard to leave. We made so many new friends. Met so many new people. Enjoyed the company of so many great friends and neighbors and honestly, just enjoyed being who we were without being told how weird we are. It was the most enjoyable event I have ever attended and or been a part of.

Denver Robbins asked me today, what made this event work out so well and why in the hell did it look like it was so much fun? He wanted to know what other people needed to do to pull off their own version of the Texas Ghost Show... and my answer was this...

I don't think they can do what the Texas Ghost Show did, ... unless they have Don Dennis running it.

HE is the missing ingredient to other events. HE is the key to the clock to make the cogs work.

Don Dennis is an amazing human being. A kind soul. A pitbull with a soft belly.

But mostly, he is now my brother.

Thank you Don for pulling off the impossible. We had an incredible time. I hate coming down off of the high you shared with us.

Much love and see you next year!!!

RAWK!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Holiding Hands with Razorblades

I can honestly say that every new person that shows up in my life. Every new person that sends me an email. A friend request. A private message. or Phone call gets a chance to show me who they are and what they are made of, as I get a chance to show them who I am.

This comes down to one thing. Character.

It's a simple word with a loaded chamber. It demands your attention as it unravels all that is a person. Their morality. Their ethics. Their principles. Their heart.

I hope when I extend my hand in friendship, it is just that. A friendly gesture. It represents myself saying to someone that I don't know that well, that I would like to get to know them better and share my experiences with them and would like for them to do the same with me.

I have been very picky about the types of people that I let into my life. Especially online, but I do always leave that door open and give everyone a fair shake. Yes. When I say this, you can tell that what I am saying is that, I let you in, show you were to hang your coat, and ask you what you would like to drink. You can make yourself at home in my house. I try to keep it lived in and comfortable. I even introduce you to the other people in my house as well. We all share one thing in common. We love each others company and even more so, love to share ideas and concepts with each other.

Recently, I have noticed an increase in the friends that I once thought were solid good people. The people that I thought were moral, ethical, and wanting to share their experiences with me. I have noticed that these very people, that I have poured drinks for in my home, told secrets to about my life and my hardships, shared desires with and dreams and goals; these very same people have told lies, spread rumors, and have purposely let themselves into my home to wreck it.

Sad. Pathetic. Twisted. Painful.

Yeah, it really hurts. I guess they thought I wouldn't hear. I guess they thought I wouldn't know. I guess they thought it would be fun or entertaining to pretend to be my friend, in my home, drinking my drinks, laughing with my other friends and playing parlor games, while secretly planning and plotting a mockery of my friends and family.

Will this change the way I let people into my home? No. I will continue to bring people in. Take their coats. Offer them drinks. And introduce them to the other people in my life, who I hold high on the character list. These are the people that applaud and cheer when I hold the door open for a home-wrecker and tell them that I wont let the door hit them on the way out, because, somewhere deep inside my heart, I still care about them.

I enjoy my friends. Its the way I wake up in the morning. Its the way I fall asleep at night. Its the thoughts I have during the middle of the day that I want to share with them and hear what they have done as well.

For those of you that have been in my home for awhile, you know where the drinks are kept. Help yourself. Pour some for my new friends. And continue to warn me of the wolves that sit near the television set. These are the ones that need to be escorted out of my home.

Salud. Salud. Salud.

- RAWK

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Tomorrow

It's easy to see the trees. We are surrounded by them. Sometimes they block our path, sometimes they shelter our heads, sometimes they give us a home, and other times they try and fall on us. It is easy to see the trees. They are all around.

Recently the trees in my life have been extremely bipolar. Manic. Emotionally unstable.

Our daughter is going in for back surgery March 1st. This tree makes me nervous. I'm not nervous because she isn't strong enough to handle it, or nervous because I don't think she will recover. It makes me nervous in the sense that I don't want her to go through any pain. I would much rather take the pain for her. If that was an option, I would. Hands down. I would take this from her. It's going to be a long and painful procedure. Again, I know she will do fine. I just wish I could take this from her.

My best friend and brother (and I don't know if I can say anymore without confusing people of my sexuality), Denver Robbins, has hired me to help him with a project that he has put together. This tree is glass and covered with droplets of silver mercury. This tree allows my heart to breathe. I am grateful for not just this gig, but grateful for his support. Denver, as you all may know is the voice of 'Tech Corner' on our show, as well as the host of 'The Otherside' with his wonderful wife, Lauren T. Hart. Denver also, has been there for me emotionally for years. The good and the bad. The tree that represents Denver is one of peace and brotherly love. I like this tree. It is one of comfort.

Anna Marie and I were pregnant a few weeks back. I am using the past tense. This tree is dark red and makes my heart hurt and the nerves in my fingers numb. Its not so much that we miscarried. For me, its not even the planning, or the disappointment in the addition to our family. You see, I am a very happy man. I have a wonderful family full of the one thing the government cannot take from me. Love. No, this tree hurts because I was allowed to see the ultrasound. I saw our baby, even if at 8 weeks, still our little one. No heart beat. I hurt for our baby. I know she will be back. I am confident. My mom taught me this one. My mother miscarried 3 times before I was born. Yes, she will be back. But for those 8 weeks I wonder how long she was alive. I wonder if her spirit wondered. It is a painful tree.

We have 5 children. Four are teenagers and they corner me when they come in from school. They ask me about 'when do people know they are in love' and 'do people come back home for Christmas once they are in college?' and 'is it weird that I want this surgery now and that I don't want to have to wait?' and 'can you read my script?' Yes, this tree is painted like a tie-dye shirt. It is beautiful! Colorful. Ever changing, pulsating with glowing life. At the top of this tree is a giant crystal pine-cone flashing like a star on a Christmas tree. This is Ash. He is a year and a half old, maybe a little more if you get technical. He is the heart of this tree. A source of inspiration, wonderment, and happiness! I love him. This tree is priceless. Carl Sagan would have to spend an eternity adding up how extensive the love is in this tree and it would still make our universe appear insignificant and small.

The trees around me at this moment are full of promise, full of fear, full of excitement, and full of the unknown. The one thing I can say about the trees that surround me are that they are full of my family and friends. This forest goes on for miles and miles and it makes me smile just knowing how many people we actually have in our life that care about us. That selflessly give their time and efforts praying for us and offering us messages of their sincerity and their love. Call this 'love and light' call this 'ching a lingy'... call this what you want. To me, it is what I would consider unconditional love, and that works fine for me.

All of us are surrounded by trees. At different times in our life. The trees that surround us are dark and ominous and block our path. Like the trees that surround the lives of the people in Haiti today. At other times, the trees that surround us are light and full of life and help guide us down the path we are on with their love. But most of the time. The trees that surround us are bipolar and manic and confuse us. Most of the time, we cannot focus. Most of the time we spin in circles and feel lost and alone.

We all need to learn to stand still for a moment or two, step back from ourselves, step back from our lives, and look around. See the bigger picture. Learn that we are not alone. Learn that good and bad are always happening simultaneously. Learn that if we pause, and look through the branches... that eventually... we will be able to see past the trees.

We will be able to see the forest.

RAWK!