The Flower...

Today was a tough day on the inside for me. Anna Marie took our 15 year old girl (who has scoliosis) to a specialist today to get assessed for a corrective back-brace. She is one of the most unique 15 year old girls you will ever meet.

She is a thin girl with beautiful brown eyes and long brown hair. She was born with a processing disorder that has held her back a bit in the beginning and she is just now at a point where when major things happen, she is able to process and accept them a lot quicker than when she was younger. Her heart is 10,000 times that of any of our other kids, and believe me... their hearts are huge! She gives. She feels. She breathes emotion; constant emotion.

Today, they went in for a back-brace, and were told that her spine is too severe for a mere brace. Yes. She needs spinal surgery, and bad. This is NOT a suggestion from the doctor saying, ' hey, you know what would be neat? Surgery..." Not at all, there are no other options. Our 15 year old is going to have her spine splinted by metal rods and refused. Yes. I have already read up as much as I can as to how this operation will go. It's not a pleasant thing to read, especially when considering that your 15 year old girl is going to be the one going through this.

She asked me today if I was nervous. I didn't lie to her. I told her I was beyond nervous and that I was worried only because it scares me to think that they will be operating on her. I also told her I know it will be okay, but I'm still going to worry. I asked her how she was with the whole thing. She said that she was nervous too, but in the long run she would be much taller than she is now. And that is going to be TALL. I'm guessing she will be at least 5 feet 6 inches or even taller!

Now, here's the thing. Tomorrow, she has to go in for an MRI. This is going to be stressful on many levels. Anna Marie and I have worked really hard at telling her the play-by-plays of what is going to happen and how this is all going to go down. So, it's going to be stressful on the level that our 15 year old girl will be placed in a tube for an hour and a half. Not that this is a bad thing. She knows that its going to be a long process. Luckily she gets to watch TV while they do this. Lets just hope its not the wiggles. That might 'really' stress her out. No, the stress is going to be on my part.

You see, her Dad is coming to pick us up and take us to the hospital and then stay with us, and then drive us back. Yes. I will be spending over 4 hours with someone that I am pretty sure despises me. Hates me. Loathes me. Yes. I will be spending over 4 hours with someone that has built my trust up, and torn it down, and built it up and torn it down again ... to the point that I have no more trust for this person. This is my own personal struggle. He is not a bad person. I know this. He's probably a great person with many great attributes; however, I do not trust him for reasons I will keep to myself.

So, I will be stressed out tomorrow for my girl and the company that I will have to keep while she is getting and MRI. Yes. I can suck it up. I will suck it up. For her.

March 1st, 2010 she will go into the hospital for her spinal surgery. I have spent a good amount of time today going over the step-by-step process of this operation as well as reading accounts online of what she is to expect. Each painful detail was delivered to her with my humorous side-notes to make it lighter than it sounded. She giggled as usual but nodded with understanding at how much of a BITCH this is going to be.

She is tough. How can something as delicate as our 15 year old girl be so damn tough?! She is nervous, but yet is stronger than this. She knows its going to be painful, but she is willing to stick it through to the end knowing that the outcome will be that her pain will be gone and her back will be straight. She is like that flower in the snow and ice that stands up straight throughout the whole winter and makes it to the spring. A dissertation in strength shown by a young, thin, beautiful 15 year old girl.

She hugged us both goodnight and smiled at us, because in her 10,000 times the size of normal heart, she knows that we are worried sick about this, but are also proud of her and want her to live a normal and healthy life, with a straight back.

When the surgery is over, she will be tall, strong, and beautiful.

She will fight through the winter and ice and snow and freezing rain.

She will be that flower that shows us what strength and beauty really look like.

She is the flower in God's heart.

RAWK!