How much is it worth?

We all barter. We are constantly trading, even though we might not realize it at the time. At this very moment I am bartering time vs watching my son grow up over a two month period. This is breaking my heart. Let me explain for those of you just joining us...

My wife and I have 5 amazing kids. They are the reason I wake up in the morning, they are the reason I smile during the day, they are the reason I am able to sleep at night. I am a dad. I love my kids.

I have a 4 year bachelors of fine arts degree from the Savannah College of Art and Design. Its one of the most prestigious art schools in America. No, I am not bragging, just explaining a bit. My family spent thousands of dollars for me to go to this school, so that I could have a degree that would support my career of film making, animation, and special effects. I love my whole family for this and cannot wait to help pay them back for the pain this may have caused them financially. I have spent the past 20 years making films, animated tv shows, music videos, cd-rom games, and websites because of me degree, and because that is what I do for a living.

I don't know how to fix a car. I don't know how to build a wall. I don't know how to drive a bulldozer. I don't know how to sell insurance. I don't know how to install a bathtub.

I am a director and I work in the entertainment industry. I have worked on films like Peacemaker. I have worked with characters like Spongebob Squarepants. I have created games like Barbie Goes to Hollywood. But this is what I do. And that type of work ran dry for me in Lockhart Texas.

So, I found a job as Art Director at Dark Sun Studios in Utah. Quite a distance away from Texas... but it was either that or head down the path of being financially unable to support my family. So, I took the job and I am extremely grateful and happy to be doing what I am doing for a living.

I am bartering however. My family is not here. They are still in Texas. Why?

This is sad, and very easy to say.

When my wife got her divorce 4 years ago, she put in the decree that her kids could not move out of the Lockhart School System until they graduated. She did this for several reasons.

1) It ensured that her kids would not move anymore and that they could grow up with friends that last longer than a few months. They moved a lot during their life, and my wife wanted them to have a city that they could actually call home with friends that were a constant in their life.

2) Her ex on many occasions threatened to just take one or two of the kids with him and leave her with only two, splitting them up like they were cattle or property. Neither one of us would stand for that and fought tooth and nail to keep the four kids together. So far it has worked and the kids have been very happy we did this.

Well, here we are in a scenario where we need to lift that restriction. We have gone through a custody battle to keep the kids together. Not to take them away from the man that fathered them. Just to keep them together. During that custody battle, he out of the blue said, "Keep the kids" and agreed to see them one weekend every month. That wasn't what we were asking, but is what he wanted to do. So, here we are, in a situation where I have a great job, and my family is waiting for the restriction to be lifted.

Whats taking so long? Prior to my taking this job, the three of us had a simple conversation in my driveway about me going to Utah to interview for these jobs and what would take place if I took one of the jobs I was interviewing for. My wifes ex husband agreed that if that were to happen that we would have to work out some sort of visitation. He mentioned maybe he could get them for the whole summer, and a few holidays. We agreed that it all sounded good. His final words stuck with me though, "Don't worry about this. We will all work it out together." ... Heck, that sounded like a greenlight, if I've ever heard one.

Why aren't my kids here with my wife? He changed his mind. Now, we are headed to mediation, then to court, because I know what his motive is. It is NOT to see our kids more. He keeps telling them that we are taking them away from him. The reality is, we are giving him a lot more time with them, and a lot more quality time at that. But, he keeps telling them that he will never see them again. He did this last time during the custody battle. For some reason he gets a kick out of lying to my kids and making them worry. This is not healthy in my book, ... not at all.

The motive is pretty simple. He is using our kids to hurt my wife. Thats it. We had a verbal understanding and he was willing to work with us one day. Now that he sees good things in the future of my family, his goal is to tear down any happiness for our kids and my family only to hurt his ex-wife. That is the only goal I see. His lies. His deceit. His manipulative ways. All very non-Christian if you ask me.

Yes, I said non-Christian. Over the past year he has all of the sudden gained powers. He is a healer for Jesus now and has his own ministries where he will heal you of your diseases for a donation. I'll be honest. I was glad when I knew he was a Christian man in the beginning. But what I have seen come out of his mouth. What I have seen him tell our kids. What I have seen him do to manipulate people... just to find out NOW he is taking money from people and claiming he can heal them... and if it doesn't work, that it was because their faith was weak.

THAT... makes me sick to my stomach.

*sigh*

I am bartering my time away from my 20 month year old... or is that 21 months. I am working to give my family all of the things they need, while paying a lawyer, and while missing my youngest boy grow up, learn to speak, watch movies, crawl under beds, and decide what foods he likes. I am missing all of this, and I can blame the man who claims to be a Christian man. I can blame the man who claims he can heal people of cancer. I can blame the man that lies to my kids telling them that their mother is evil and that she is taking them away from him. When they are old enough I will show them the court papers.

I am bartering the most precious thing in my life right now.

I am bartering my life away from my wife, my kids, my baby, my family.

I am bartering my life away from my life.

RAWK!