Colors...

Everything has a color. The grass. Paper bags. Horses. Even the bricks that make up the front of the local elementary school. But thats not news to most of you. But there are other things that have colors that you might not know about. Hunger. The number seven. Wednesdays. Loneliness. Even gratitude has a color.

I am living many colors this year. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. A myriad of melted colors encase my breath. Inhale; and exhale. So many powerful colors in my life. So hard to pay attention to all of them. Looking at a box of crayons has never been this tough before.

Navy Blue:

This is the pain I feel being away from my family. It is so heavy like wet snow and pulls my heart down into the coldness of an icy ocean. I miss my wife and kids. I miss my daughter Katria, who shares a bond with me like no other human being in this world. I miss the excitement of Malachi and his passion to make films. I miss the unconditional and innocent true love of Josee and how her laughter protects my heart from the blue in the navy blue. I miss Nicholaus and his head first way of diving into life and eagerness to love and be loved by everyone. I miss Ashlind and watching him live and grow and think and laugh and pout and walk and talk and become. I fear the fact that he may forget his Daddy. I want to watch him become and be there for him as he does so. I miss Anna Marie, who accepts me for who I am without attempting to change me, bend me, distort me or put me in a jar up on a shelf. She loves me fully and wholly. As I do her.

Fluorescent Yellow:

This color is hard to look at, hard to swallow and hard to stomach. This is the sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach watching whom I thought were part of my life; Who I thought cared about me unconditionally; Who I thought were better people than they had led me to believe; watching these people spread lies about me and my family to other people hoping to wreck their family by doing so. This color is disgusting. It sits near me waving at me in my peripheral vision hoping to get my attention. This color is vile.

Olive Green:

This is the color of the gratitude I have for Denver, Laurie, Christopher, Jack, Dante, Rusty, and Toby. There are no true words that I can string together that will ever allow them to understand just how much they mean to me and what they have done for me and my family. Denver is my brother. He is the one when the bus is teetering on the cliff that will climb out onto the roof of the bus and find a way to the back to free the terrified children in the nick of time before the bus topples towards its doom. Laurie is my best friend here. She plays the role of many things to me. A mother, A wife, and an Art friend. She makes sure that priorities are in place and that nothing is forgotten. She is the glue and the pilot. Christopher and Jack are full of energy, creativeness, and passion. The adventurous nature of Christopher fuels me and the heart of Jack makes me smile, often. The dogs. They are dogs. How do they do that, just being dogs? I love the Robbins family. I thank them. I am grateful and cannot wait to repay the love.

Black Red:

This is the color of a close friend who is diagnosed with cervical cancer. She is a Mother. She is a Wife. She is our Sister and Friend. I cannot sleep at night with this color. It strangles me when I think about it. I want to help, but feel helpless. She is a strong woman and innocent of all of this. I pray hard which causes the black to recede away from the red. I pray that treatments, surgery, and medication will fix this horrible situation. Her kids need her to be strong. Her husband needs her to be strong. We need her to be strong. I have never prayed so hard for the lack of color to remove itself from red. Together, they terrify me. Please pray for our friend. She is a wonderful woman with a wonderful heart that loves her wonderful family. Please pray for the black to go away and that the red be bright and free of contamination.

Orange:

This is me. This is my color. I love my wife and family. I love my friends. I love my work and my hobbies. Orange is a constant in my life. I live hard and fast and take advantage of every opportunity that life brings me. I close me eyes at night excited to awake the next morning. One day the next morning will never come. At that point, I hope I have done all I can do here. I hope that everyone in my life has seen my color. That they know how I feel about them. That they know how much I embrace the love they have shown me. That they know how much I love them even if they have hurt me. I am orange. I am bright. Optimistic. Sexual. Believable. Unstoppable. I am happy being orange.

These colors in a row are where I am today. It may be exhausting. It may be painful. It may be confusing. But these are my colors. I am grateful to have eyes to appreciate them with.

We all have colors.

What color is your today?

RAWK!

We Are Here To Help...

You can take your paranormal drama and shove it far up your butt.

Yeah. I mean that. It means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. It is a waste of my time. It is a waste of my energy. The lies. The rumors. The angst. You can have it, because I don't get it, and I never want to.

There are things in this life that are FAR more important than that. There are things that mean more to me than spreading hate. We need to stop focusing on whos on what network. Whos on what TV show. Whos sleeping with who. None of this matters and for the most part is not any of anybody else's business.

We need to focus. We need to prioritize. "On what?", you ask.

Things like life.

Recently a very close friend of ours found out some devastating news. She has cancer. Cervical cancer.

Most of you know that we have chosen several charities. We don't chose them randomly, and we don't chose them to look important or to appear holier than thou. We chose them because we have a connection with them.

So, we are holding an auction. It's not much. But its a start. We will mention it on Ghostology this Friday Night @ 10pm EST on FATE Radio http://www.fatemag.com/fateradio for the next several weeks. We are auctioning my old kilt which has been signed by several paracelebrities. We are raising the money for the NCCC ( National Cervical Cancer Coalition ) http://www.nccc-online.org/donate.html

This would NOT be possible if it weren't for Don Dennis and Penny Knight (the hearts and souls behind the Texas Ghost Show). For those of you that don't know Don and Penny, let me put it to you this way. They are givers. They love to see projects come to fruition. They work hard at bringing people together to discuss the strange, unnatural, and paranormal. The Texas Ghost Show last year in Beaumont Texas was a great example of that. After the show, Don and Penny heard that I was going to donate my kilt to be sent to paracelebs across the states to sign to help raise money for Cervical Cancer, so they sent me an amazing gift... a NEW KILT! This is the current kilt I wear on Ghostology today. The other one is still being sent to paracelebs to sign. It will be back in our hands soon for the auction.

A list of all of the names that are on the kilt will be provided soon as well as where the auction will be held.

Half of the money will go to the NCCC and the other half will go to our friend (we may or may not post her name depending on what she wants us to do). All we want to do is try and help, and this is the only way we know how to do this.

Again, more information will be posted after our show tomorrow night.

Thank you for your help.

We should prioritize ... we should focus... we should be the ones that are here to help... not to harm.

Please check out the NCCC http://www.nccc-online.org/donate.html and donate even if you dont participate in our auction for the NCCC and our friend.

Or if not THAT charity... find one that works for you.

- RAWK!

Less Than Three...

So, this sort've makes me smile... and it's just one of those things that I normally would just let roll away... but I'm truly intrigued to see how far this is actually going to go...

A few months back... I was texting my wife on my cheap ass phone... Yeah... its UBER cheap, and houses all of the numbers of people I work with as well as my family and friends... but besides that... it truly is a CHEAP ASS phone. LOL!

Anyway, I was texting my wife whom I haven't seen in over two months... and there is a symbols feature that is really a pain in the ass to get to that allows you to type little hearts ... like this " < 3

Well, my phone being cheap ass and all makes it difficult for me to type those two symbols without spending 10 minutes sifting through its directories just to find the damn things... I was quickly trying to find a way to do that when my brain clicked into over drive for a brief moment... it was easier to let my phone they out the words 'less than three' because it does have a slightly cool prediction function... so I can quickly type that and her get what Im saying... it was cute... and funny at the time... but not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination... just a lazy man's way of finding a quicker way to do things. LOL!

I posted it a few times on facebook to see if people would get the joke... and the next thing you know it hits twitter... Now, mind you... I find things like this fascinating. Viral is just awesome... its like dominos... you hope that each and every domino hits the floor... so sitting back watching the show to see how far it would go has truly amused me.

Earlier today, Lauren T. Hart wanted to let me know that she saw that Will Wheaton (Wesley from Star Trek and a few guest appearances on Burn Notice) posted "Less Than Three" which really has me smiling big time. Not because I'm going to be even MORE famous that I already am... LOL ... but the fact that it made it into a circuit that might actually boost it into the next presidential campaign! LOL! ... The Less Than Three Campaign! ... or even better... it might become a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavor! Delish!

The thing about it is... it was a lame ole joke that was created by a cheap ass phone.

So lets get busy folks! Start posting "Less Than Three" on the walls of people you love and admire. :)

Who knows... Kevin Bacon might have already posted it somewhere today! LOL!

Less Than Three!

RAWK!

- Brian

How much is it worth?

We all barter. We are constantly trading, even though we might not realize it at the time. At this very moment I am bartering time vs watching my son grow up over a two month period. This is breaking my heart. Let me explain for those of you just joining us...

My wife and I have 5 amazing kids. They are the reason I wake up in the morning, they are the reason I smile during the day, they are the reason I am able to sleep at night. I am a dad. I love my kids.

I have a 4 year bachelors of fine arts degree from the Savannah College of Art and Design. Its one of the most prestigious art schools in America. No, I am not bragging, just explaining a bit. My family spent thousands of dollars for me to go to this school, so that I could have a degree that would support my career of film making, animation, and special effects. I love my whole family for this and cannot wait to help pay them back for the pain this may have caused them financially. I have spent the past 20 years making films, animated tv shows, music videos, cd-rom games, and websites because of me degree, and because that is what I do for a living.

I don't know how to fix a car. I don't know how to build a wall. I don't know how to drive a bulldozer. I don't know how to sell insurance. I don't know how to install a bathtub.

I am a director and I work in the entertainment industry. I have worked on films like Peacemaker. I have worked with characters like Spongebob Squarepants. I have created games like Barbie Goes to Hollywood. But this is what I do. And that type of work ran dry for me in Lockhart Texas.

So, I found a job as Art Director at Dark Sun Studios in Utah. Quite a distance away from Texas... but it was either that or head down the path of being financially unable to support my family. So, I took the job and I am extremely grateful and happy to be doing what I am doing for a living.

I am bartering however. My family is not here. They are still in Texas. Why?

This is sad, and very easy to say.

When my wife got her divorce 4 years ago, she put in the decree that her kids could not move out of the Lockhart School System until they graduated. She did this for several reasons.

1) It ensured that her kids would not move anymore and that they could grow up with friends that last longer than a few months. They moved a lot during their life, and my wife wanted them to have a city that they could actually call home with friends that were a constant in their life.

2) Her ex on many occasions threatened to just take one or two of the kids with him and leave her with only two, splitting them up like they were cattle or property. Neither one of us would stand for that and fought tooth and nail to keep the four kids together. So far it has worked and the kids have been very happy we did this.

Well, here we are in a scenario where we need to lift that restriction. We have gone through a custody battle to keep the kids together. Not to take them away from the man that fathered them. Just to keep them together. During that custody battle, he out of the blue said, "Keep the kids" and agreed to see them one weekend every month. That wasn't what we were asking, but is what he wanted to do. So, here we are, in a situation where I have a great job, and my family is waiting for the restriction to be lifted.

Whats taking so long? Prior to my taking this job, the three of us had a simple conversation in my driveway about me going to Utah to interview for these jobs and what would take place if I took one of the jobs I was interviewing for. My wifes ex husband agreed that if that were to happen that we would have to work out some sort of visitation. He mentioned maybe he could get them for the whole summer, and a few holidays. We agreed that it all sounded good. His final words stuck with me though, "Don't worry about this. We will all work it out together." ... Heck, that sounded like a greenlight, if I've ever heard one.

Why aren't my kids here with my wife? He changed his mind. Now, we are headed to mediation, then to court, because I know what his motive is. It is NOT to see our kids more. He keeps telling them that we are taking them away from him. The reality is, we are giving him a lot more time with them, and a lot more quality time at that. But, he keeps telling them that he will never see them again. He did this last time during the custody battle. For some reason he gets a kick out of lying to my kids and making them worry. This is not healthy in my book, ... not at all.

The motive is pretty simple. He is using our kids to hurt my wife. Thats it. We had a verbal understanding and he was willing to work with us one day. Now that he sees good things in the future of my family, his goal is to tear down any happiness for our kids and my family only to hurt his ex-wife. That is the only goal I see. His lies. His deceit. His manipulative ways. All very non-Christian if you ask me.

Yes, I said non-Christian. Over the past year he has all of the sudden gained powers. He is a healer for Jesus now and has his own ministries where he will heal you of your diseases for a donation. I'll be honest. I was glad when I knew he was a Christian man in the beginning. But what I have seen come out of his mouth. What I have seen him tell our kids. What I have seen him do to manipulate people... just to find out NOW he is taking money from people and claiming he can heal them... and if it doesn't work, that it was because their faith was weak.

THAT... makes me sick to my stomach.

*sigh*

I am bartering my time away from my 20 month year old... or is that 21 months. I am working to give my family all of the things they need, while paying a lawyer, and while missing my youngest boy grow up, learn to speak, watch movies, crawl under beds, and decide what foods he likes. I am missing all of this, and I can blame the man who claims to be a Christian man. I can blame the man who claims he can heal people of cancer. I can blame the man that lies to my kids telling them that their mother is evil and that she is taking them away from him. When they are old enough I will show them the court papers.

I am bartering the most precious thing in my life right now.

I am bartering my life away from my wife, my kids, my baby, my family.

I am bartering my life away from my life.

RAWK!