Tomorrow

It's easy to see the trees. We are surrounded by them. Sometimes they block our path, sometimes they shelter our heads, sometimes they give us a home, and other times they try and fall on us. It is easy to see the trees. They are all around.

Recently the trees in my life have been extremely bipolar. Manic. Emotionally unstable.

Our daughter is going in for back surgery March 1st. This tree makes me nervous. I'm not nervous because she isn't strong enough to handle it, or nervous because I don't think she will recover. It makes me nervous in the sense that I don't want her to go through any pain. I would much rather take the pain for her. If that was an option, I would. Hands down. I would take this from her. It's going to be a long and painful procedure. Again, I know she will do fine. I just wish I could take this from her.

My best friend and brother (and I don't know if I can say anymore without confusing people of my sexuality), Denver Robbins, has hired me to help him with a project that he has put together. This tree is glass and covered with droplets of silver mercury. This tree allows my heart to breathe. I am grateful for not just this gig, but grateful for his support. Denver, as you all may know is the voice of 'Tech Corner' on our show, as well as the host of 'The Otherside' with his wonderful wife, Lauren T. Hart. Denver also, has been there for me emotionally for years. The good and the bad. The tree that represents Denver is one of peace and brotherly love. I like this tree. It is one of comfort.

Anna Marie and I were pregnant a few weeks back. I am using the past tense. This tree is dark red and makes my heart hurt and the nerves in my fingers numb. Its not so much that we miscarried. For me, its not even the planning, or the disappointment in the addition to our family. You see, I am a very happy man. I have a wonderful family full of the one thing the government cannot take from me. Love. No, this tree hurts because I was allowed to see the ultrasound. I saw our baby, even if at 8 weeks, still our little one. No heart beat. I hurt for our baby. I know she will be back. I am confident. My mom taught me this one. My mother miscarried 3 times before I was born. Yes, she will be back. But for those 8 weeks I wonder how long she was alive. I wonder if her spirit wondered. It is a painful tree.

We have 5 children. Four are teenagers and they corner me when they come in from school. They ask me about 'when do people know they are in love' and 'do people come back home for Christmas once they are in college?' and 'is it weird that I want this surgery now and that I don't want to have to wait?' and 'can you read my script?' Yes, this tree is painted like a tie-dye shirt. It is beautiful! Colorful. Ever changing, pulsating with glowing life. At the top of this tree is a giant crystal pine-cone flashing like a star on a Christmas tree. This is Ash. He is a year and a half old, maybe a little more if you get technical. He is the heart of this tree. A source of inspiration, wonderment, and happiness! I love him. This tree is priceless. Carl Sagan would have to spend an eternity adding up how extensive the love is in this tree and it would still make our universe appear insignificant and small.

The trees around me at this moment are full of promise, full of fear, full of excitement, and full of the unknown. The one thing I can say about the trees that surround me are that they are full of my family and friends. This forest goes on for miles and miles and it makes me smile just knowing how many people we actually have in our life that care about us. That selflessly give their time and efforts praying for us and offering us messages of their sincerity and their love. Call this 'love and light' call this 'ching a lingy'... call this what you want. To me, it is what I would consider unconditional love, and that works fine for me.

All of us are surrounded by trees. At different times in our life. The trees that surround us are dark and ominous and block our path. Like the trees that surround the lives of the people in Haiti today. At other times, the trees that surround us are light and full of life and help guide us down the path we are on with their love. But most of the time. The trees that surround us are bipolar and manic and confuse us. Most of the time, we cannot focus. Most of the time we spin in circles and feel lost and alone.

We all need to learn to stand still for a moment or two, step back from ourselves, step back from our lives, and look around. See the bigger picture. Learn that we are not alone. Learn that good and bad are always happening simultaneously. Learn that if we pause, and look through the branches... that eventually... we will be able to see past the trees.

We will be able to see the forest.

RAWK!