2011 and the Light-bulb of our Future...

Its almost 2011. We are only days away. So many things happened in 2010 and so many more things will happen in the new 2011. No, this isn't going to be a blog about resolutions and making promises to yourself that are hard to keep. You should do those type of self-help and growth things on your own at your own speed. It is NOT a game, so always work on being a better person.

No, this blog is about people and how people make bad decisions based on not having the courage to stand up for what is right. This blog, though simple, is also an important window into the foundation of the person that I am. So, if you aren't prepared to see or read who I really am and what makes my heart pound, I suggest moving on to another blog that isn't about me. LOL

2010 has disappointed me a bit. I have watched what used to be a wonderful internet network full of positivity slowly sink into what is one of the darkest and hate-filled places online. I have watched it spawn cliques of people that are jealous of others and that don't work to help and support each other. Instead, they talk behind each other's backs and focus only on themselves. No, not everyone there, but a good handful are working at keeping it a place full of anger and darkness. I still receive emails and ban reports weekly which just sadden me. Hopefully 2011 will change this for them and they will shake it off and grow from their prior decisions.

I have watched colleagues that once said that they "loved me" and that "they cared about me" attack me on many, many creative levels. They have spent their time and energy to try and hurt me, and have failed each time. They have premeditatedly planned small ambushes and have used words like "war" and "tear down" in their emails to their friends hoping to create some sort of rift in the direction of my projects.

While dodging these stones, I have watched as people I once called friends stood by and turned their backs ignoring the threats and attacks. Some of them even adding fuel to the flames spreading rumors about me and my wife which made it back to our kids (who happen to be on facebook). Lies, rumors, and hate. This is what a lot of people from 2010 spent their energy doing. Not building, but tearing down.

No, this is not a blog about the horrible angst filled things that I have gone through in 2010. This is about the people in my life that have show me what life is for. Why we are here. What we should be doing with our lives.

This is a blog about 2011. Our future. And some of the people I honor.

There are some "long lost" words in the English dictionary that I use as a building block for what makes me strong and patient and forgiving all at the same time. Some of these words are "Unconditional", "Motivation", "Forgiveness", and "Principle". There is one word in particular that Im going to highlight. This word is very important to me. It is why we are here. It is the way America used to be. It is a word of ingenuity and inspiration. It is, "Initiative."

INITIATIVE:

This word is truly lost in today's society. People have no idea what the ingredients are that make up this word anymore, and its truly sad. I am mostly angered by the lack of initiative that most of the people I meet have. They would much rather just sit back and let the world take place and bitch about what needs to be fixed. When I ask people what they have done in their lives that they are proud of, they usually have to spend some time with their eyes aimed up and towards the right trying to remember what they have done and when they had done it. Im not saying that being proud of your accomplishments is how to measure your initiative. What Im saying is that, without initiative, there are no accomplishments. If you have to take a lot of time remembering what you have accomplished, then to me, you do not have much initiative. You might even be asking, "is not having a lot of initiative a bad thing?" ... to be honest, in my book. Yes. It is a terrible thing. Your life has a timer on it. You can spend it however you like, but if you don't have initiative in your life, you, in my opinion, have no right to bitch about what needs fixing.

This year I have seen an insurgence of people with initiative in my life! I am proud of these people and have watched them bust their asses to grow, create, and develop amazing and wonderful things using all of their time and all of their own assets to make steps to become better and more successful in this life. Most importantly, these people are not doing this for money or fame, but for one simple reason. They love what they do and are following the natural progression for their life and career. I am proud of these people and the sacrifices they are making to become who they are.

"Is he going to name, names?" you ask? "who are these people that he is speaking of?" you want to know. Well, sure, I am not concerned about whether you agree or disagree with me. I know these people and have watched them grow and know what drives their hearts. So, I will list a few that have impressed me with their growth through sacrifice. These are but a few of the people that are on my Initiative list.

- Heather Byers, my sister and mother of 2 amazing kids, wife to her incredible husband Michael, and spend her off hours going to school, graduating, and becoming one of the best school teachers in Georgia.

- Tiffany Johnson, my friend and psychic who is always calling me with a new idea or project that is unconventional and innovative at the same time.

- Don Dennis, my friend and colleague who has kept his focus without falling prey to the infrastructure of the paranormal parasites. He is following his heart and mind as an amazing event planner for the Texas Ghost Show.

- Anna Marie, my best friend and my wife and her endeavors to not only be a mom to our five kids and a wife to me, but an author, and tarot reader as well.

- Christopher Moon, my friend and psychic/medium who has taken heat from all walks of the paranormal community, yet, still will walk through the door with his head held high, knowing that only the best can keep moving forward with their research while being mocked by their peers.

- Lauren T. Hart, my friend and author, who has, this week as we speak, finished the final chapter in this year long, chapter per week, project called "Of God's and Mortals."

- Neil Larson, my friend and director who quit his job and is following his heart and life as a director.

- Ruby Violence, my friend and adult entertainer who is breaking the boundary of the everyday, and creating and developing new genres of entertainment that are both fun and unique.

- Beth Brown, my friend and author who has taken a step to follow her passion and drop all of the pre-set ways of investigating the paranormal and has found a niche that has spoken to her heart instead.

- Jamie Standifird, my friend and radio show host who has worked at an unforgiving job, gone through a rough marriage, found true love with Justin, and has still maintained her direction as a radio show host and paranormal personality.

- Denver Robbins, my friend and producer who has done nothing but work hard on 3 to 5 projects at a time daily, 24/7 , 350 days a year and who has accomplished many wonderful things during this past year.

- Katie Mullaly, my friend and author who has not only been going to school, being a mom, and a wonderful wife to her husband Mikal, but also is an author, researcher, and working on a few special projects with yours truly.

- Geoffrey Gould, my friend and actor who is in just about every movie or tv show, somewhere as a background actor. This guy busts his ass daily keeping the work coming in while I finish my screenplay that he is in.

- Jason Byers, my brother and military personnel who has worked hard with his life, going through a bad marriage, finding true love, and having his family while still spending his life protecting and defending our United States of America.

- Charli Nichols, my friend and entertainer who is a single mom while still creating and working hard on her internet show while being lied to, jerked around, and manipulated, has still shown the stick-to-it-ness to keep her chin above the negativity and has moved ahead with her own life.

These are only a few, but a few that I think needed to be named. These people are honest, genuine, and passionate and have worked their hardest to skirt the people who have constantly flung drama fecal matter at them.

The world needs to change. I believe in balance, and I don't see it yet. Too many people are out to tear down what others build. They are out to copy and take credit for others works without building it on their own. While you are busy working your ass off on something wonderful, they are waiting for you to turn your head so they can tear down your sandcastle.

I applaud those of you with initiative. I cannot wait to see the direction you go this 2011. I cannot wait to watch you soar. Be prepared though, because jealousy will consume the people that hear of you and your works. They will be waiting for you with pitchforks and torches, because they don't want to see you succeed.

Be strong, be confident, and most importantly, keep your eye on your target.

I want to see you fly this year!

I want to see you soar!

Go be You this 2011!

- RAWK

Yadiloh!

Every family has its own special traditions. Some of them pass down an heirloom, some have a recipe, and some of us have our own holiday.

Yes, I said 'holiday.'

When I first came into the lives of my 4 kids (before our Ashlind showed up) I wanted to make sure they had something special in their lives. No, Im not going to spend this blog talking about how I feel these awesome kids might have missed out on something in their life prior to mine, but instead am going to focus on what I hope I have done for them and even more so, if it has had a positive affect on their lives.

It was a few weeks before Christmas 2006 and I remember telling Anna Marie that I wanted to do something kind'a strange. I wanted to make the second Wednesday in December a special holiday called 'Yadiloh.' She nodded and laughed like she normally does and asked me 'what kind of holiday is this and what do we need to do?' ... LOL

Yadiloh always happens on the second Wednesday of every December. What happens during this holiday is all about family. We turn off all electronic entertainment (sans a CD player or MP3 player loaded with Christmas songs) and we get out all of our decorations for the tree and house. We spend most of the day decoration the Christmas Tree, telling stories about our favorite Christmas's and our lamest gifts, and our most heartfelt gifts. We drink Cocoa and hot apple cider and bake cookies and make fudge and then all sit in a circle. Each member of the family gets a goodie bag choc full of bizarre dollar store crap. Yeah, those crunchy Santas dipped in brown wax that supposed to be chocolate. LOL There are games that one of the parents come up with like Yadiloh Libs, or Jokes, or Riddles and Rhymes as well as questions for each family member that helps share what everyone's true thoughts are on and or about Christmas. It normally ends in laughter and everyone remembering what Christmas is really all about.

This year, our activity included painting those cheap $1 bobble heads that you can get at the dollar store. Each one had to have a story when we were done painting them. The goal is to send someone that we know our weirdly painted bobbleheads with our own description of what Christmas AND Yadiloh is all about. We also spent the evening playing improv games which was a blast! No TV. No Electronic Games. Just Christmas music, Apple Cider, and Laughing Hysterically.

Im not going to convince you to do the same thing.

Im just sharing.

This, to me, is what Christmas used to be when my grandparents were kids. This, to me is what it is for me today.

Sure, well still have Santa this year, but its not about the gifts. Its not about how much you get.

Its about the Yadiloh in our hearts.

Thats why I am smiling today. :)

- RAWK

PS: Yes, Yadiloh is Holiday spelled backwards. ;)

The Christmas Spirit...

So this is Christmas.

So many meanings to that first line. You can say it several different ways and its either sentimental sounding or cynical sounding.

I waiver between these two feelings when I say it.

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you smiling when you say this. Sitting in a warm home with your spouse and your children around you, with a full belly, presents around a tree, next to a fire, listening to Christmas music?

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you looking from afar knowing that there is someone being abused, someone going hungry, someone losing their job, someone feeling low because they cannot afford what we call "Christmas" for their family?

So this is Christmas.

What do you hear when YOU say this outloud? Are you helping a stranger push their car out of the snow, or taking the four bucks you have in your pocket buying food for a stranger, or holding your kids close to you and telling them how much you love them, or holdling the door for someone who has their arms full, or letting people cut in front of you in traffic knowing good and well that it is not their turn.

So this is Christmas.

When I say it, I waiver. I hurt for those that can't afford to pay their bills. I try to help those who I can when I can, I hug my children and tell them that I love them constantly, I dont feel bad for not being able to be the richest Santa Claus on the block, I do what I can, when I can, for whom I can without letting my negative emotions consume me.

So this is Christmas.

When I say it, I waiver. I feel doubt and anger towards those that hurt the innocent. I feel pain and vengeance towards those that unrightfully try to screw the world over. I feel contempt for the ones that we pay to protect us, watching them find joy in ticketing people during the holiday who are trying their best just to get by.

So this is Christmas. So, THIS is Christmas. So this is CHRISTMAS.

What happened to love. What happened to what I was taught. Where did all of the good people go?

So this is Christmas.

- RAWK!

Friends and Changes...

Hey Kats,

It's been a very interesting 2010 to say the least. This has truly been a year of many changes in my life, my family's life, and in ghostology's life.

For starters, my family recently moved from Texas to Utah. This change alone is ginormous! We spent the past 5 months with Denver and Lauren's household which includes Christopher, Jack, Jordan, Toby, Rusty, and Dante. You pack my family of 6 into that scenario and you get a small village! I am forever grateful for all of the Robbins' love, hospitality and help.

I love working with Denver, Neil, Greg, Pamela, April and the lot over at Dark Sun Studios and am super grateful to James and Doug for hooking me up with beginning work. They know how much I needed it, and I know how much they needed all of the work I have supplied for them.

On top of that, I have just finished my second week teaching at the Eagle Gate College. Its a passion of mine, and I feel that I am actually able to help my students, not just get a good grade, but actually get a good job and make good money. I hope this is the case, and if they ever have a question, I am only a facebook post away. :)

Ghostology has made several trips around the globe as of lately. We have made giant business decisions like this in the past when we quit CBS because they were not being very cool to us, then to have the same thing happen to us with someone that we truly trusted was just what I would consider the last straw. So, we started our own business with the blessing of many people, and that is how Fate Radio, LLC. was formed. The name alone says a lot about what we do and who we are. Deciding our OWN fate in ways, we have become a positive little network offering a mix-up of fantastic shows.

Being one of the owners of FATE Radio, LLC. gives me the power to make sure a couple things never happen, one of which is the negativity and the attacks by other online entities and netowrks. The one thing I can guarantee that we will never do is attack, harm, or stab anyone in the back, whether that is within out own Fate Family or whether that is with any of our listeners or viewers. After having this done to us personally and on a business level many times we have learned our lesson.

An old adage says, "birds of a feather, flock together." Keeping this in mind, please be cautious with whom you trust, talk to and believe in, because if their true colors shine, you will also see who flock with them.

Ghostology and Fate Radio, LLC. on the other hand prefer to focus on other things, like building a better place to get your favorite shows, and making sure what we are doing isn't ripping off other people's ideas. We work really hard at creating our ideas and shows for you kats and really want you all to be happy with what we are producing.

This isn't just about Ghostology either, swing by www.fateradio.com and check out all of the great programming that we have going on! Its quite fun and I believe that you may find yourself not dealing with the negativity that other networks enjoy. We just want to have fun doing what we love, whether that is radio, video, or other paranormal activities... its supposed to be fun and not stressful.

So, with all of the changes going on, the one thing I can say is this. The most prolific change I have noticed in myself, might sound a bit negative, but in the long run, its for a good reason.

I have learned that I am just a person. A non-conformist that enjoys what I enjoy without being judged. I have learned that adult entertainers, tattooists, students, paranormal investigators, and artists are all just people trying to enjoy their life until they take their last breath. I have also learned that I love ALL of these people and more. Lastly, I have learned something that will stick with me for a long time. Outside of your family, you can't trust ANY body, fully. And sometimes not even them. People suck. I have become cynical and doubtful about people and their intentions. But this is a good thing for me. I dont trust anyone anymore, and the people I do trust, I love.

I only have so many years alloted to my life here on earth (that I know of) and I plan on spending them loving the people I trust and avoiding everyone elses bullshit.

I have lost many friends that I considered good people, just to find out they were liars and thieves.

But...

I have found many new friends that are whom I consider my family.

... and you KNOW who you are!

- RAWK!

Do You Believe in FATE?

Its been awhile since I just sat down and blogged about the behind the scenes of what very well might be called our "paratainment" lives. Ive been waiting to see exactly how things were being viewed by everyone around me before writing anything.; And hopefully with this blog, Ill be able to answer a few questions and clear up a lot of misinformation.

As most of you already know, I am the Art Director for Dark Sun Studios as well as Art Director for FATE Magazine. Yeah, THE FATE Magazine. When that happened, a lot of new opportunities arose in my life that I just couldn't turn down. One of them was joining FATE Radio, a division of FATE magazine.

It was a hard decision. We had been so integrated into another network for a very long time. They were like a family to us. I designed the logo, the first website, the logo for their video side, and the website for that. A lot of work was going into it. I create and design websites for other clients as well, but get paid for it. Building the network site was a labor of love for me. It stood for something. It represented like minded people who thought outside of the box. I loved it.

What really made it hard to leave wasn't the design of the network, but the people that I had become close to. We talked about it for weeks before making the decision to leave. There were some things that had come up behind the scenes that started to feel sketchy, and a lot of the people I once thought I trusted with my life were taking public jabs at me, my family and some were even spreading vicious rumors that made it outside of the paranormal world, into a court situation, and back around again.

What FATE offered us was a place to build a small network with great people that have been in the field for a long time and with this came no jealousy, no drama, and no attacks. Just good clean fun with a lot to learn from all of the writers and researchers in the FATE magazine world.

So, with that, we made the leap. No more negativity.

Ghostology and The Other Side (Denver & Lauren's show) made the ultimate leap, and built the foundation to FATE Radio with bi-laws that outline how if one host or show attempts to spread any form of malicious information about others, they would be removed from the network and replaced by someone else. We decided to pick real, entertaining, and quality shows for our line-up and are just now at a point where we are starting to air them one by one. Out of the 12 shows, we currently have 6 or so that are active. The site is about to change once again with more to offer including show archives (both video and audio) as well special features.

FATE magazine is going to print today with the very first FATE Radio Ad ever. We are proud to be part of FATE and love the people dearly. It is an exciting time for FATE ... a re-birth of sorts. A lot is happening too, which you will see in the next few weeks. Big things!

Ghostology is taking a huge leap as well. Not anything we can talk about right now, but you will see by Jan 1st whats going on. Its definitely a lot of fun and we are having a great time doing it. We have new segments that are happening on our show and a lot of new twists every week, so keep tuned in on www.fateradio.com for further details.

As far as myself and Anna Marie are concerned. We are about to embark on our own metaphysical store. Yeah, its really going to be cool. Live readings, books, oils, roots, powders etc... you name it, and youll be able to get it here. We are still working out the details, but the outlook is a good one, the building is VERY cool, and we think a metaphysical store located in Ogden, Utah is what this place needs.

I have opened the doors to my exclusive tattoo shop, Paranormal Ink, and am working on 3 clients as we speak. Im very excited about this and Ill show off my skills this BY/OG which is also sponsored by FATE Magazine! This is going to blow peoples minds and I recommend you go to www.bringyourownghost.com for more information. Its a paranormal party and its going to rawk!

So, to wrap up... we have moved from the para-drama from one network and to a place full of entertainers that like to share things they know, people they know, and things these people have done or written that are interesting, strange, and unexplainable.

This is my para-blog-update... boring, but at least you know whats up. :)

Find us now at FATE Radio www.fateradio.com or subscribe to FATE magazine www.fatemag.com !

Love you kats!!!

- RAWK!

Now, we can breathe...

It's about time I actually sit down here and write a catch-up for everyone. I know I've gotten quite a few people needing to hear whats up and whats going on, and today seems like a good day to do it.

As you know, I was separated from my family for about 6 weeks, but the good news is, that the mediation is over, my kids and wife are here with me and we are all living in Utah now. It is a blessing. A very true and heart-filled blessing to be with the people that make me who I am. Sometimes I feel that my wife and kids are the only ones that really know who I am anymore. So, its good to have them here with me, reminding me that, 'YES, you ARE sane!"

The kids are enrolled in school here, making great grades, and great friends, and are away from the gangstah wannabees in Lockhart.

It's nice to be able to say that Malachi is in 3 productions... and when I say production, I mean PRODUCTION... they don't do anything small here when it comes to theater or film.

Josee is dancing in school and taking Chinese! Even with her back, she is really doing amazing and she says it doesn't hurt... and I can see it in her eyes. She is smiling back at me and happy with everything that is going on.

Nicholaus is in band, playing with kids that aren't 100% bullys and is super excited about the prospect of snow in the next few weeks. Who am I kidding... 7 years in Texas for ANY of us gets us excited about seeing lots and lots of snow.

Ashlind just had his birthday yesterday. He is 2 years old now. We broadcasted the video for Grandma and Grandaddy to see. I wish I lived closer to my family sometimes so that they could get to know him. He is a smart, caring and funny little man and I just know that when he falls in love and has kids, that he will teach them how to love unconditionally like I have him.

My wife is with me now too. Having her next to me at night means more than the world to me. She is the one that reminds me of who I am. She is the one that loves me no matter what dumb things I might do or say. She is the one that holds me when Im hurting inside and the one that makes me excited to be alive. I create because she wants me to and I encourage her to be herself and to try new things. I am so happy to be with my family again.

We are staying with our friends, The Robbins Family. All of ten of us in one house. Amazingly, it is NOT as crowded or as crazy as one might think. Denver and Laurie are my best friends. They are a lot like Anna Marie and myself and on many notes very different. Denver and I are very entrepreneuristic and between the 4 of us, are working on several major projects that are going to blow everyone around us away. Yeah, thats the beauty of our relationship with the Robbins... we are working together to make a better future for the 10 of us! ... TEN of US!!!!

Thats pretty much the quick and dirty update. I wanted to get this out before I started writing about my new insights into life. I think I might try my hand at that a little later in the week. I have learned a lot recently about myself and the world and I'd like to share it.

But for now, this is my update. I love and am loved. The people that I trust are in my life now. They don't look down on me. They don't ridicule me. They are not disappointed in me.

They see me... and I see them. There are no negatives, only obstacles that we learn from, and we as a family of 10 are doing it together.

There are no rules in life. But if you need on to live by, it is love as you wish to be loved.

Less Than Three...

RAWK!

Colors...

Everything has a color. The grass. Paper bags. Horses. Even the bricks that make up the front of the local elementary school. But thats not news to most of you. But there are other things that have colors that you might not know about. Hunger. The number seven. Wednesdays. Loneliness. Even gratitude has a color.

I am living many colors this year. A lot has happened. A lot is happening. A myriad of melted colors encase my breath. Inhale; and exhale. So many powerful colors in my life. So hard to pay attention to all of them. Looking at a box of crayons has never been this tough before.

Navy Blue:

This is the pain I feel being away from my family. It is so heavy like wet snow and pulls my heart down into the coldness of an icy ocean. I miss my wife and kids. I miss my daughter Katria, who shares a bond with me like no other human being in this world. I miss the excitement of Malachi and his passion to make films. I miss the unconditional and innocent true love of Josee and how her laughter protects my heart from the blue in the navy blue. I miss Nicholaus and his head first way of diving into life and eagerness to love and be loved by everyone. I miss Ashlind and watching him live and grow and think and laugh and pout and walk and talk and become. I fear the fact that he may forget his Daddy. I want to watch him become and be there for him as he does so. I miss Anna Marie, who accepts me for who I am without attempting to change me, bend me, distort me or put me in a jar up on a shelf. She loves me fully and wholly. As I do her.

Fluorescent Yellow:

This color is hard to look at, hard to swallow and hard to stomach. This is the sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach watching whom I thought were part of my life; Who I thought cared about me unconditionally; Who I thought were better people than they had led me to believe; watching these people spread lies about me and my family to other people hoping to wreck their family by doing so. This color is disgusting. It sits near me waving at me in my peripheral vision hoping to get my attention. This color is vile.

Olive Green:

This is the color of the gratitude I have for Denver, Laurie, Christopher, Jack, Dante, Rusty, and Toby. There are no true words that I can string together that will ever allow them to understand just how much they mean to me and what they have done for me and my family. Denver is my brother. He is the one when the bus is teetering on the cliff that will climb out onto the roof of the bus and find a way to the back to free the terrified children in the nick of time before the bus topples towards its doom. Laurie is my best friend here. She plays the role of many things to me. A mother, A wife, and an Art friend. She makes sure that priorities are in place and that nothing is forgotten. She is the glue and the pilot. Christopher and Jack are full of energy, creativeness, and passion. The adventurous nature of Christopher fuels me and the heart of Jack makes me smile, often. The dogs. They are dogs. How do they do that, just being dogs? I love the Robbins family. I thank them. I am grateful and cannot wait to repay the love.

Black Red:

This is the color of a close friend who is diagnosed with cervical cancer. She is a Mother. She is a Wife. She is our Sister and Friend. I cannot sleep at night with this color. It strangles me when I think about it. I want to help, but feel helpless. She is a strong woman and innocent of all of this. I pray hard which causes the black to recede away from the red. I pray that treatments, surgery, and medication will fix this horrible situation. Her kids need her to be strong. Her husband needs her to be strong. We need her to be strong. I have never prayed so hard for the lack of color to remove itself from red. Together, they terrify me. Please pray for our friend. She is a wonderful woman with a wonderful heart that loves her wonderful family. Please pray for the black to go away and that the red be bright and free of contamination.

Orange:

This is me. This is my color. I love my wife and family. I love my friends. I love my work and my hobbies. Orange is a constant in my life. I live hard and fast and take advantage of every opportunity that life brings me. I close me eyes at night excited to awake the next morning. One day the next morning will never come. At that point, I hope I have done all I can do here. I hope that everyone in my life has seen my color. That they know how I feel about them. That they know how much I embrace the love they have shown me. That they know how much I love them even if they have hurt me. I am orange. I am bright. Optimistic. Sexual. Believable. Unstoppable. I am happy being orange.

These colors in a row are where I am today. It may be exhausting. It may be painful. It may be confusing. But these are my colors. I am grateful to have eyes to appreciate them with.

We all have colors.

What color is your today?

RAWK!